HE CORRECT THING 






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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 

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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



THE CORRECT THING 



The Correct Thing 



IN GOOD SOCIETY 



THE AUTHOR OF "SOCIAL CUSTOMS" 



V MAY 2 1888. 
/V 



BOSTON 
ESTES AND LAURIAT 

PUBLISHERS 



• h\& 



Copyright, r888, 
By Estes and Lauriat. 



Bnibrrsitn J)rfS3 : 
John Wilson and Son, Cambridge. 



CONTENTS. 



THE CORRECT THING 

Page 

At the Writing-Desk 9 

In Invitations 17 

When Making Calls 25 

In Conversation 43 

In Speech 49 

In the Family Circle 57 

At a Dinner-Party 73 

At Table 97 

At a Dancing-Party 115 

At Afternoon Tea or Reception .... 125 

Al Luncheon 133 

In Marriage-Engagements 141 

For a Wedding 145 

In Matters of Dress . . >^. 161 

In the Street 169 



6 CONTENTS. 

Pack 

When Travelling 177 

When travelling in Horse-cars .... 189 

In the Business World 191 

In Shopping 199 

In Mourning 203 

At a Club 213 



BREVITY is the soul of wit; but a soul cannot do 
without a body in our mortal world. If, there- 
fore, in this brief treatise matters are so condensed that 
he who runs (or rides) may read, it must evidently be 
with the understanding that the reader shall give the 
body of his own intelligence to the soul of these short 
sentences. Condensation is often important for con- 
venience in carrying with us material for future ex- 
pansion. In the little work here offered, it has been 
attempted on this ground. The result sought will 
not be attained unless those who may take the book 
in hand shall themselves supply the expanding force 
of sympathy and intelligent apprehension, reading 
between the lines, and even across the page, since 
neither the positive nor the negative statements are 
complete in themselves, each needing the comple- 
ment of its opposite. 



THE CORRECT THIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

To use good jet-black ink. 

To use handsome, thick, plain white paper. 

To fold and direct a letter neatly, and to put on 
the stamp evenly, and in the proper corner. 

To put on as many stamps as the weight of the 
letter or parcel demands. 

For the autograph fiend to enclose a stamped 
and directed envelope when writing to his intended 
victim. 

To enclose a stamp when writing to a stranger on 
your own business. 

To use sealing-wax, if you know how to make a 
fair and handsome seal. 

To fold a letter right-side up, so that the person 
who receives it will not be obliged to turn it, after 
taking it out of the envelope, before he can read it. 

To use black-edged note-paper when one is in 
mourning. 

To use postal cards for ordinary business com- 
munications. 

To write legibly. 

To write straight. 



AT THE WRITING-DESK. 9 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To use pale or colored ink. 

To use ruled note-paper, except for business 
communications. 

To use note-paper of bright, variegated, or very 
dark colors, or envelopes of eccentric shape. 

To use a monogram or other device on an 
envelope. 

To use stamped or yellow envelopes, except for 
familiar or business correspondence. 

To mail a letter without a stamp on it. 

To use sealing-wax if you don't know how, or if 
you have not time to make the seal carefully. 

To make a seal with a thimble or other miscel- 
laneous object not intended for the purpose. 

To direct an envelope wrong side up. 

To use postal cards for private correspondence. 

To write a business communication on a postal 
card, where it may annoy the recipient to have his 
business or occupation thus publicly set forth. 

To write only the two first letters of a word, and 
to represent the remainder by a series of unintelli- 
gible loops or runs. 



IO THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To spell correctly. 

To write numbers, dates, and proper names with 
especial care and distinctness. 

To date a letter at the beginning, on the right- 
hand side, and a note at the end on the left-hand. 

To use both the day of the week and that of the 
month when dating a letter, and in a business com- 
munication to give the year also. 

To have one's address engraved at the top of 
one's note or letter paper. 

To give one's full address when writing to a per- 
son who does not know it, and from whom an 
answer is desired. 

To sign a letter with the full name, or with the 
last name and initials. 

For a lady to sign her last name and initials, 
instead of her Christian name, when writing to a 
comparative stranger, to a younger person, to a ser- 
vant, or when writing on business. 

To sign a business letter, "Your obedient ser- 
vant," "Yours very truly," "Yours very sincerely," 
or "Yours respectfully." 



AT THE WRITING-DESK. II 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To write like Horace Greeley. 

To write up hill and down dale. 

To use a great number of nourishes. 

To cultivate a clerklike or commercial hand, ex- 
cept for business correspondence. 

To imitate the handwriting of another person to 
such a degree as to lose the original character of 
one's own. 

To sign a letter with a nickname, — such as 
" Mamie," w Bessy," etc., — unless when writing 
to an intimate friend. 

To sign a friendly letter, written to an equal, 
"Your obedient servant," or "Yours respectfully." 

To write " My Dear Sir." It should be " My 
dear Sir," or " Dear Sir." 

To abbreviate words. " And " should never be 
written " &," nor " which " " wh.," etc. 

To underline or accent words frequently. 

To use slang. 

To say, " I take my pen in hand." 



12 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To sign a letter to a superior, " Yours respect- 
fully," or " Your obedient servant." 

To write "Please address Mrs. or Miss J. T." 
where it is desirable to let your correspondent 
know by what title to address you. 

To preface a business letter with the name and 
address of your correspondent. 

To make the signature correspond with the gen- 
eral tone of the letter ; that is, to sign a formal letter 
in a formal but courteous manner, and a friendly or 
affectionate letter in a friendly manner. 

To use figures for giving dates or the number of 
a house or street. 

To direct a letter to a married lady with her hus- 
band's full name or last name, and initials. 

To write "Rev. and Mrs. T. J. Sawyer," or " Dr. 
and Mrs. Paul Jones." 

To write " Esq." after a gentleman's name when 
addressing any letter except a note of invitation, 
and when he has no other title. 

To address a letter to a clergyman, " Rev. Simeon 
Dix," and to a doctor of divinity, " Rev. Thomas 



AT THE WRITING-DESK. 1 3 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To cross a letter. It is inexcusable to do so, 
when postage and paper are both so cheap. 

To sign one's name with any title prefixed, as 
" Mrs.," " Miss," " Mr.," etc. 

To write anonymous letters, even with a good in- 
tention. It is considered very cowardly to do so. 

To write in haste where one can possibly avoid it, 
unless to intimate friends. Besides the liability to 
make mistakes or to express one's meaning imper- 
fectly, haste implies a lack of formality, and there- 
fore of respect for one's correspondent. 

To use figures to express quantities, as " 4 quarts." 

To direct a letter to a married lady, using her 
own name or initials. 

To write " Mrs. Rev. Thomas Sawyer," or " Mrs. 
Dr. Paul Jones." 

To write a letter in the third person, and sign it 
in the first. 

To put the most important part of a letter in the 
postscript. 



14 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

King, D.D.," to a bishop, "Right Rev. Silas Lin- 
worth, D.D.," to a judge, member of Congress, 
mayor of a city, member of a State legislature, etc., 
as " Hon. Montclair Smith," and in the case of a 
member of Congress, to add M.C. after the name. 

To answer all letters promptly. 

To remember that a written communication is 
necessarily more formal than a verbal one, and 
therefore must be uniformly courteous, and should 
rarely contain jokes or personal allusions which 
might be misconstrued. 

To remember that " the written word remains," 
and therefore to write with due caution and clear- 
ness. 

To be concise, but never curt. 

To remember that the adoption of a courteous 
and dignified tone shows greater self-respect than 
would the assumption of an undue familiarity. 

To avoid egotism on paper, as elsewhere. 

To read over letters before sending them off. 

To write to a friend or hostess after making a 
visit at her house, thanking her for her hospitality. 



AT THE WRITING-DESK. 1 5 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To address a letter to a bishop " Bishop Potter," 
or to a doctor of divinity " Dr. Clarke." 

To address an army or navy officer by the title 
belonging to a lower grade than his own. 

To write when angry, or to write threatening let- 
ters, thus getting one's self into much trouble, and 
perhaps incurring lawsuits. 

To write long letters, save possibly to intimate 
friends. 

To write familiarly to persons whom one does not 
know well, to one's elders, or to those who occupy 
a high position. 

To write a letter, and say nothing in it. 

To use "he," "she," etc., first for one person, 
and then for another, in the same sentence. 

To grumble or find fault on paper. 

To write "Present," "Addressed," "Kindness of 
Mr. Grimes," or " Favored by Mr. Jones," on a letter 
which is to be delivered by a private messenger. 
These superscriptions are going rapidly out of fash- 
ion, though still used by some people. 



1 6 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To send out invitations all at the same time as 
nearly as it is possible, and to send them out in 
good season. 

To issue invitations for a large reception, dinner, 
or luncheon one or two weeks, and for a ball in the 
gay season two or three weeks, beforehand. 

To use plain cards or note paper engraved in 
plain script for any large or formal occasion, such 
as a reception, ball, dinner, etc. 

To invite guests to a luncheon or dinner by means 
of written invitations, if one prefers to do so. 

To write a note of invitation with great care, on 
rather small plain white paper of the best quality, 
and to pay special attention to spacing and dividing 
the words correctly. Thus " Dr. and Mrs. L. B. 
Fox " must all be written on the same line. 

To write " Mrs. T. H. Johnson requests the } pleas- 
ure of Mr. Z. K.'s company." 

To use the word " ball " for a public or subscrip- 
tion ball. 

For a bachelor to "request the honor" in invita- 
tions addressed to ladies. 



IN INVITATIONS. \J 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To invite any one, save an intimate friend, at the 
eleventh hour. If a dinner-guest disappoint you at 
the last moment, no one will be complimented by 
an invitation given merely to fill a vacant place. 

To issue invitations for an entertainment at such 
a late hour that the guests will receive them after 
they have made other arrangements for the day 
named, or perhaps after the entertainment is over. 

To invite some guests in good season, and others 
at the eleventh hour. In this case the latter will 
feel themselves insulted rather than complimented 
by the invitatipn. 



To write " Mrs. T. H. Johnson requests the pleas- 
ure of your company." 

To use the phrase " presents his compliments." 

To use the word " ball " in invitations to an enter- 
tainment given by a private individual. 

For a bachelor to issue " At Home " cards. 



THE CORRECT TIIIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

To invite in the name of the hostess alone, except 
for weddings or dinner-parties. 

To invite in the names of both host and hostess 
for a wedding or a dinner-party. 

For a young lady who is no longer very young to 
issue invitations for a tea. 

For a widower to issue invitations for receptions 
and dinners in his own name and that of his eldest 
daughter, if she has been for some years in society, 
or in his own name alone. 

In accordance with the new custom, to send in- 
vitations through the post-office, if one prefers to 
do so, in which case they should be enclosed in 
two envelopes. 

To write " R. S. V. P." below an invitation, on 
the right-hand side, where an answer is especially 
desired. The English use the phrase " The favor of 
an answer is requested." 

To address an invitation or other letter which is 
to be delivered by a private hand, with the number 
of the house and the name of the street, but not 
that of the city or town. 



IN INVITATIONS. 1 9 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To issue invitations for a wedding or dinner in 
the name of the hostess alone. 



For a very young lady to issue invitations in her 
own name. 



To send dinner-invitations by post; some per- 
sons still send all invitations by private hand. 

To write " R. S. V. P." on an invitation to dinner 
or on an " At Home " card. 

To address a note of invitation to " Mrs. T. L. 
James and family" although it is sometimes done. 
The form is an undesirable one, and should be 
avoided if possible. 

To address an invitation to "Miss" or "Mrs. 
Smith and escort." 

To address an invitation to a gentleman and his 
wife or fiancee , "Mr. Peters and lady." 



20 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To send general invitations — that is, invitations 
to large general occasions, weddings, etc. — to per- 
sons in mourning. Such invitations arc sent by way 
of compliment merely. 

To answer all invitations, save "At Home" or 
wedding-cards, promptly. 

To answer an invitation to a dinner or formal lun- 
cheon at ojice, and to accept or refuse it definitely. 

To accept a first invitation whenever it is possible 
to do so. 

For people in deep mourning to refuse an invita- 
tion without giving a reason, and also to send their 
visiting-cards, with a black border, on the day of 
the entertainment, thus showing the reason of their 
refusal. 

To accept or regret your inability to do so in the 
present tense. 

To use the phrase " regrets extremely that a pre- 
vious engagement must deprive him of the pleasure 
of accepting," or " that absence from the city must 
prevent his accepting," etc. 

To direct an answer to an invitation to the person 



IN IN VITA TIONS. 2 1 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To send invitations to a household within a month 
after a death has occurred in it. 

To send invitations to dinners or luncheons to 
people who are in real affliction and in deep 
mourning. 

To answer an invitation to a wedding-reception, 
unless requested to do so, or unless it is to be a very 
small occasion. 

To answer "At Home" cards or invitations to 
afternoon teas unless an answer is requested. 

To answer an invitation to a dinner, a formal 
luncheon, breakfast, or supper, in a doubtful or 
hesitating manner. 

To refuse an invitation without giving a reason 
for doing so. 

To write "will accept" or "will prevent his 
accepting." 

To use the words "avail" or "preclude" in 
answering an invitation. 

To " decline " an invitation. 

To abbreviate in writing or answering an invitation. 



THE CORRECT THIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

or persons in whose name it is given, whether you 
know them or not. 

If a person is unable, through illness, a death in 
the family, or any other sufficiently serious cause, 
to keep a dinner-engagement, to write at once or 
telegraph to the giver of the entertainment. 

In sending invitations to an entire family, to 
address one to the husband and wife, one to the 
daughter or daughters, and a third to the brother or 
brothers. 

To direct notes of invitation to " Mr. B. J." 

To write " Miss Brown and Brother ; " although 
most gentlemen, especially if they have been in so- 
ciety for some years, prefer to have a separate note 
of invitation sent to them. 

To send a separate invitation, addressed to his 
residence or club, to a young gentleman who lives 
in the same city with his parents, but not in the 
same house. 

To answer all invitations courteously and with 
due formality, making the answer correspond with 
the form of the invitation. 



m INVITA TIONS. 23 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To send an answer to an invitation to the mem- 
ber of a family whom you know, when it was written 
in the name of some other member. 

To answer a note of invitation on business-paper. 

To leave out the day, and for a dinner or lunch 
the hour also, in answering an invitation, in order to 
prevent the possibility of a mistake. 

To send a verbal answer to a written invitation. 

To direct a note of invitation to " B. J., Esq." 

To write " Misses Brown and Brothers " on an 
invitation. 

To send a separate invitation to every member of 
a large family, where there are a number of brothers 
and sisters. It would look ostentatious to do so. 

To answer an invitation on a visiting-card, or to 
write "regrets " on one. 

To invite a gentleman without his wife, or a lady 
without her husband, unless it be to an entertain- 
ment where gentlemen alone or ladies alone are 
invited. 



24 THE CORRECT T///XG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use perfectly plain visiting-cards, of fine paste- 
board, engraved in plain script. 

In an emergency, if obliged to use a written visit- 
ing-card, to write one's name with pencil, rather 
than with pen and ink, since the use of the latter 
would seem to imply deliberate purpose. 

For a gentleman to use a smaller card than a 
lady, and one narrower in proportion to its length. 

For a gentleman to prefix " Mr." to his name on 
a visiting-card. 

For an officer in the army or navy, a physician, 
a judge, or a minister of the Gospel to use his title 
on a visiting-card. 

To use the full name on a visiting-card, as ''Mr-. 
Joel Cotton Smith," " Miss Clara Howard Jameson." 

For a lady to prefix "Mrs." or "Miss," as the 
case may be, to her name on a visiting-card. 

For a married lady to use her husband's full 
name or last name and initials. 

For a gentleman, a married lady, or a young lady 
who has been for some time in society, to have his, 
or her, address engraved on a visiting-card. (Some 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 2$ 

It is not the Correct Thing 
To use glazed or enamelled visiting-cards. 

To use cards with any fancy device upon them, 
cards of irregular shape, or those with a border of 
any sort, — such as an embossed border or a gilt 
edge. 

To use visiting-cards that are printed or written 
by hand, instead of engraved. 

To use militia or other complimentary titles on a 
visiting card. 

To use a nickname on a visiting-card, as " Miss 
Hatty Jones," " Mr. Tom Bridges." 

For an American citizen to use a coat-of-arms on 
a visiting-card. 

For a lady to have her name engraved " Mary 
Brown," without any prefix. 

For a married lady to use her own Christian 
name or her own initials on a visiting-card. 



26 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

married ladies omit the address on their own cards, 
in which case they send their husbands' card 
taining the address, with their own.) 

For a young or single gentleman to put the name 
of his club on his card, rather than his own resi- 
dence, if more convenient or agreeable to do so. 

For a lady to have her reception-day engraved 
in the left-hand corner of the card. 

For residents in a small suburban town to put the 
name of it on their cards, in order to avoid confusion. 

For a widow to use either her husband's or her 
own initials or name on her card. She has no 
legal right to use the former, but public sentiment 
is in favor of allowing her to do so. 

For a widow to use a card with " Mrs. John 
Smith, Sen.," on it, where she has a daughter-in-law 
who is also " Mrs. John Smith." 

For the eldest single woman belonging to the 
eldest branch of a family to use " Miss Esmond " 
on her card, or for the eldest daughter of a younger 
branch to do so, where there are no single women 
in the older branch. 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 2*J 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a very young lady to have her address on a 
visiting-card. 

To have the name of a city or town engraved 
on a visiting-card. 

For the wife of a younger brother or of a younger 
member of a family to put " Mrs. Sumner " on her 
visiting-card. By doing so, she usurps a title which 
belongs only to the wife of the head of a family, or 
to a lady whose position is so distinguished that she 
can afford to dispense with initials. 

For the widow of Mr. John Smith to use a card 
with " Mrs. John Smith " on it, where she has a 
daughter-in-law who is also " Mrs. John Smith." 

For a single lady belonging to a cadet branch of 
a family to put " Miss Esmond " on her card where 
there are single ladies in the older branches also. 



28 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a young lady to have her name engraved be- 
low that of her mother on the same card ; as, — 

Mrs. Leonard Smith, 
Miss Smith. 

For husband and wife to have each a separate 
visiting-card. 

For a lady to leave her husband's cards, and 
those of her sons and daughters, in making the first 
call of the season. 

For a lady to leave her husband's cards, as well 
as her own, after a dinner-party. 

For a lady to leave two cards of her own, and 
two of her husband's, when calling at a house where 
there is more than one lady. 

For a lady to leave two of her husband's cards, 
when calling upon another married lady, — one for 
the latter, and one for her husband. 

For a lady to leave two cards in calling upon a 
mother with several grown-up daughters, — one for 
the mother, and one for the daughters. 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 29 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a young lady to leave her own card without 
that of her mother or chaperone when making for- 
mal calls during her first year in society. Accord- 
ing to strict etiquette, she does not need a separate 
card of her own during that time. 

For husband and wife to have their names en- 
graved on the same card, to be used as a visiting- 
card ; it is now thought old-fashioned to do so. 



For a lady to leave two of her own cards when 
calling upon one lady. 

For a lady to leave more than three of her own 
cards at one house. 

For a lady to send up her card when calling on 
some one whom she already knows, instead of leav- 
ing it on the hall-table and sending up her name. 
It is constantly done, however, since few servants in 
this country are sufficiently well trained to remem- 
ber the names of visitors, even for a few moments. 



30 THE CORRECT Til IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

When calling for the first time upon several ladies 
(who are not mother and daughters), to leave a 
card for each. 

For a lady, if admitted to make a call, to leave 
the cards of the gentlemen of her family on the 
hall-table. 

For a lady, if admitted to make a call, to leave 
her card on the hall-table, and send her name up 
by the servant. 

For a lady to send up her card when calling 
upon a stranger. 

To leave cards, without turning down cither cor- 
ners or ends. 

When calling upon a guest, to leave cards for the 
hostess also. 

To write on a card the name of the person for 
whom it is intended, when leaving cards at a large 
hotel, in order to prevent the possibility of a 
mistake. 

To call on a lady's regular reception-day : that 
is, where she has a fixed day throughout the season 
for receiving visitors. 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 3 1 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To hand one's card to the hostess. 

To leave cards bent up at one end, or turned 
down at the corners. It is no longer the fashion 
to do so. 

To call upon a guest without calling upon the 
lady of the house also, or at least asking to see her. 

To write on a card the name of the person for 
whom it is intended, when calling at a private 
residence. 

To leave cards at the door on a lady's regular 
weekly reception- day without going in or asking 
to see her. 

For a person not specially invited to call on any 
one of a series of reception-days for which a lady 
has sent out special cards. 



32 THE CORRECT TIIIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To leave or send cards on the day of a reception 
to which one has been invited, but is unable to go 
on account of mourning, illness in the family, etc. 

To call within a week, and in person, after a din- 
ner-party to which one has been invited. 

To call within a week after any entertainment to 
which one has been invited, or ( in New York) for 
a lady to send cards, after any entertainment ex- 
cept a dinner. 

To show lenience toward young mothers with 
large families of little children, literary women, 
artists, and other professional women, as well as 
toward business men, if they fail to call as promptly 
or as frequently as strict etiquette would demand. 

Where one resides in a large city, to pay formal 
visits at least once a year, and in person if possi- 
ble, upon all one's circle of visiting acquaintance, 
and to make additional calls where invitations are 
received. 

To enclose cards when inviting a new acquain- 
tance upon whom one has never called, although 
it is better, — 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 33 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To send cards by mail after an invitation to din- 
ner, or to omit to call promptly and in person. 

To omit calling or sending cards within a month 
after an entertainment to which one has been 
invited. 



For a young lady without special occupation, or 
for other persons of leisure, to neglect making the 
calls which custom prescribes. 

To make a practice of attending entertainments, 
and omitting to call afterward. 

To take offence where an acquaintance has 
omitted to call, but has sent an invitation, since 
it is a much greater compliment to invite a person 
to one's house than it would be merely to make a 
call upon her. 

3 



34 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To call before sending out such an invitation. 

To use a card with a black border when one is in 
mourning. 

For persons who are not intimate friends to make 
inquiries at the door without asking for admission, 
and to leave cards for those who are in affliction. 

To answer cards of condolence by enclosing 
mourning-cards in an envelope, and sending them 
to people who have called, after a proper lapse 
of time. 

To call, after an engagement has been anno 
or a marriage has taken place, in the family of an 
acquaintance. 

To call upon an acquaintance who has recently 
returned from a prolonged absence in Europe or 
elsewhere. 

For the person who has been absent to make 
the first call, if she prefer to do so. 

To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for 
calling in the place where one is living, or making 
a visit, and to adhere to those hours. 

To go in to the lunch-table if the friend upon 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 35 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To make formal calls when one is in deep 
mourning. 

For ordinary acquaintances to ask to see people 
who are in affliction, instead of simply leaving their 
cards and making " kind inquiries " at the door. 



To omit to call or send cards, after one has been 
invited to a wedding, or has received the announce- 
ment of one. 

To call upon any one at an hour when he or she 
is usually engaged in household duties or in busi- 
ness or other vocations. 

To call early in the morning, late in the evening, 
or at any other unusual hour. 

To call at the lunch or dinner hour, unless spe- 
cially invited to do so. 

When making a formal call, to say that you will 
wait until the person upon whom you are calling 
has finished dinner or lunch. 



36 THE CORRECT Till 

It is the Correct Thing 

whom you are calling give you a cordial invitation 
to do so, or else to take your leave at once, in order 
that you may not play the part of dog in the manger. 

After a removal from one part of a city to an- 
other, to send out cards with one's new address 
upon them. This is now the custom in New York, 
but would of course be unnecessary in a small city. 

To leave, or send by mail, cards with P. P. C. 
on them (Pour Prendre Conge, "to take one's 
leave ") when one is about to leave a place either 
permanently or for quite a length of time. 

To send cards by mail (or by a messenger), to ar- 
rive on the day of the entertainment, where one is 
unable to attend an afternoon tea, reception, or 
wedding to which one has received an invitation. 

To send cards by mail, in lieu of making a per- 
sonal visit, to acquaintances who live in a neighbor- 
ing town or suburb which is situated at such a dis- 
tance as to render it inconvenient to make calls 
there. 

To leave one's card on the hall-table, or to place 
it on a salver in the hands of the servant, when one 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. $? 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To leave or send P. P. C. cards when one is 
merely going out of town for the summer. 

For people who live at a distance from a city or 
town to expect the dwellers therein to come out 
to the country regularly for the purpose of making 
calls. 

To take no notice of cards for receptions, after- 
noon teas, etc. A person who fails to make his 
appearance at one of these occasions, to which he 
has been invited, and who also fails to call or send 
cards afterward, will naturally be considered as rude 
or culpably careless. 

To go to every one of a series of receptions for 
which one has received cards. This is not allow- 
able, except for intimate friends. 



38 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

attends an afternoon tea or reception. Cards thus 
left are intended to remind the hostess of the names 
of the visitors who have attended her reception. 

For the older residents in a city or street to call 
first upon the new-comers to their neighborhood. 

To return a first call within a week, and in 
person. 

To call promptly and in person after a first 
invitation. 

To make the first call upon people in a higher 
social position if one is asked to do so, or if they 
are new-comers. 

For the caller who arrived first to leave first. 

For a gentleman to ask for the lady of the house 
as well as for the young ladies, and to leave cards 
for her as well as for the gentlemen of the family. 

For the mother or chaperone to invite a gentle- 
man to call. 

For a gentleman to call upon a lady if she have 
invited him to do so, if he bring a letter of intro- 
duction, or if an intimate friend of the house in- 
troduce him. 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 39 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For one resident of a city or town to call upon 
another (not a new-comer) unless she has reason 
to suppose that her visit will be agreeable, or unless 
her social position is such that she confers a favor 
by the call. 

To return a first call by sending cards, or to re- 
turn it tardily. In either case the lady who has 
made the first visit will feel that her friendly over- 
tures have not been met in the proper spirit, and 
will infer that her acquaintance is not desired. 

Under ordinary circumstances, to call first upon 
people in a higher social position than one's own. 

For two gentlemen to endeavor to " sit each 
other out." 

For a gentleman to ask for the young ladies only, 
when making a formal call. 

For a very young lady to invite a gentleman to 
call upon her. 

For a gentleman to call upon a lady unless he 
has first received permission to do so. 



40 THE CORRECT Til TV G 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to leave his umbrella, oven oat, 
and rubbers in the hall, but to bring his hat and 
cane into the drawing-room when making a morn- 
ing call, and to keep them in his hand, or lay them 
on the floor beside him. Such was the old rule ; 
but the hat and cane are now often left in the hall. 

For a lady to rise from her seat when visitors 
enter, and cross the room if she wish to do so. 
The latter is not imperative, however. 

For a hostess to accompany a lady to the door 
if she wish to do so, although this custom is fall- 
ing into desuetude. In a house where several ser- 
vants are kept, for the lady of the house to ring the 
bell, on the departure of a visitor, in order that one 
of the servants shall open the door for him. This 
should always be done where a man-servant is 
employed. 

For a visitor who has already made a call of suf- 
ficient length, to take his leave soon after the arrival 
of a second visitor. 

To remain for about ten or fifteen minutes when 
making a formal call. 



WHEN MAKING CALLS. 4 1 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To forget to wipe one's feet thoroughly on the 
door-mat. 

For a gentleman to wear his overshoes in the 
drawing-room. 

For a gentleman to deposit his hat or cane on a 
chair or table in the drawing-room. 

For a lady to pay great attention to some of her 
guests, and to neglect others. 

For a hostess to accompany a gentleman to the 
door, or bring him his hat or cane. 

For a hostess to go to the door with one visitor, 
to the neglect of those who remain. 



For a visitor to take his departure at the very 
moment when another is announced. 

To make a formal call of more than half an hour's 
length. 



THE CORRECT TIIIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that brevity is the soul of wit. 

To remember the ancient mariner, and avoid his 
ways. 

To talk in such a way as to amuse or entertain 
one's interlocutor, or better still, so that both parties 
may be amused or instructed, as the case may be. 

To make the topic suit the time and place, avoid- 
ing sermons in ball-rooms, and political or religious 
discussions in mixed assemblies. 

To sustain one's fair share of the burden of con- 
versation, and to start new topics when the old ones 
become worn, or grow personal. 

To remember that the agreeable man is he who 
can and will listen attentively, intelligently, and sym- 
pathetically. 

To avoid repetition in the matter of story-telling, 
personal reminiscences, and the like, repeating, like 
the newspapers, only once in ten years. 

To remember that it is better to be agreeable 
than to talk about one's own affairs. 

To remember that every other parent considers 
that his children are prodigies also, and therefore 



IN CONVERSATION. 43 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To try to shine too brilliantly. 

To talk too much. 

To be curt, brusque, or abrupt. 

To talk in order to show how good, clever, supe- 
rior, or fashionable one is, or how much one knows. 

To talk constantly about money or other material 
things. 

To boast of one's rich friends, or, worse still, of 
one's own wealth. 

To talk constantly about economizing or making 
bargains, or to speak of one's own poverty, particu- 
larly where it does not exist. 

To allow one's attention to wander while another 
person is speaking, thus appearing rude, and wound- 
ing the vanity or the feelings of one's interlocutor. 



To talk constantly about one's self and one's 
own doings, about one's children, family, servants, 
or friends, or to rehearse domestic troubles or 
quarrels. 



44 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

will resent the claims to extraordinary geniu- 
in behalf of your infant phenomenon. 

To think before you speak. 

To wait until another person has finished what 
he has to say, and then to say politely \\. 
differ from him, or that you have heard the story 
told otherwise, where justice to the absent demands 
this course. 

To " sink the shop ; " that is, to avoid talking 
about one's business or profession. 

To talk about one's profession or calling with 
a person who has expressed a wish — sincere to all 
appearance — to hear about it. 

To remember that great men are sometimes 
modest, and may prefer to be worshipped in their 
absence rather than in their presence. 

To avoid riding a favorite hobby to death. 

To remember that frequent puns break up the 
thread of conversation, and that the habitual pun- 
ster is apt to become tedious. 

To avoid joking in general society or with per- 
sons of a literal turn of mind. 



IN CONVERSATION. 45 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To express doubts as to the truth of a harmless 
story in the presence of the narrator. 

To wound the feelings of others by thoughtless 
remarks or allusions, or worse yet, by intentionally 
unkind speeches. 

To interrupt, to say to a person ll You have told 
me that before," or to set him right when he is 
telling a story. 

To annoy poets and other great men with foolish 
questions about their inspiration or works, or with 
exaggerated expressions of admiration. 

To pay fulsome compliments or to indulge in 
gross flattery, thus indicating that you have a poor 
opinion of the intelligence and penetration of the 
person whom you are addressing. 

To repeat old jokes, or to tell " ancient and 
fish-like " tales. 

To make personal remarks or jokes, — as about a 
man's appearance, age, etc. 



46 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To endeavor to " draw out " timid, shy, and silent 
people, and induce them to talk on subjects that 
interest them. 

To remember that conversation should never turn 
into monologue. 

To preserve a certain moderation in the very 
whirlwind of one's talk, watching carefully for signs 
of fatigue or sleep in one's listeners, and never 
allowing that unruly little member, the tongue, to 
run away with its owner. 

To remember that the person who habitually says 
witty, but sharp things, is sure to be unpopular. 

To be generous, and to praise and admire when 
one can conscientiously do so. 

To remember that conversation is a fine art, from 
which base matter must necessarily be excluded. 

To remember Emerson's saying that " no one 
can be a master in conversation who has not learned 
much from women ; their presence and inspiration 
are essential to its success." 

To remember that a fool may pass for a wise 
man if he know enough to hold his \> 



IN CONVERSATION. 47 

It is not the Correct Thing 

In general conversation to talk long about mat- 
ters with which some of the company are wholly 
unacquainted, or in which they take no interest. 

To try to "pump" people, or to ask questions 
about their personal or private affairs. 

To ask a person's age, especially if that person 
be a woman. 



To answer only in monosyllables. 

To criticise or find fault with objects which are 
displayed for one's admiration. 

To assume a nil admirari or lofty critical tone. 

To talk gossip, or to indulge in slander, or per- 
sonalities. 

To show off one's little learning and small accom- 
plishments before those who are truly learned (thus 
displaying vanity and showing one's own limitations), 
or before those whose education is defective, thus 
cruelly reminding them of what they lack. 

To " cram " for any occasion, or to drag in a 
subject " by the head and ears." 



48 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that out of a man's own mouth he 
is judged, voice, language, and accent be 
better criterions of a person's gentility than hand- 
some or shabby garments. 

To remember that proper cultivation and use of 
the voice not only add to its beauty, but prevent it 
from becoming prematurely thin, worn, and cracked. 

To speak in chest-tones. 

To lower the voice and speak slowly when one 
wishes to enforce one's authority. 

To speak distinctly, but softly and slowly. 

To avoid coarseness and rudeness of speech and 
language, and harsh laughter. 

To avoid the over-delicacy of language and 
affectation of precision which belong to persons of 
narrow culture. 

To say "A man fell and broke his leg" when 
he did so ; " It is time to go to bed ; " u I 
Rochester." 

To pronounce correctly, studying not only the 
dictionary, but the language of living speakers who 
are entitled to speak with authority. 



IN SPEECH. 49 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To speak in harsh nasal tones, after the manner of 
many New Englanders, and some other Americans. 

To scold in a high key or to scream to persons 
at a distance, thereby injuring the voice, as well as 
disturbing the public peace. 

To speak from the head and throat. 

To speak fast or to drawl. 

To speak in a. loud voice, or in a slovenly or in- 
distinct manner. 

To blur one's words so that the sound is as of a 
person who speaks with his mouth full of pudding. 

To be affected in one's manner of speech, or to 
copy the pronunciation of other persons or nations. 

To affect a foreign accent. 

To affect " pretty " or " singular " pronunciations. 

To say " he fell and sustained a fracture of his 
limb ; " " retire " for " go to bed ; " " Where do you 
reside?" for •' Where do you live?" These expres- 
sions, while not incorrect, are nevertheless seldom 
used by those who speak the best English. 

To speak incessantly of a person's " home " when 
you mean his "house." 



50 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use the words " man " and " woman " in many 
instances where formerly one would have said 
" lady " or " gentleman ; " the latter words having 
largely lost their significance from excessive use — 
or abuse. The phrase " Mrs. Ames is a charming 
woman " would now be preferred to " Mrs. Ames 
is a charming lady." 

To train children carefully to read aloud, both for 
the sake of the voice and the pronunciation. 

To say ''waistcoat" and "trousers," and (in 
speaking of the nether garments of little boys) 
" knickerbockers." 

To remember that slang is unmeaning as well as 
inelegant, and that words like '* jolly," "beastly," 
etc., used in season and out of season, soon lose all 
their meaning. 

To use words of Saxon rather than of Latin 
origin whenever it is possible to do so, thus gaining 
terseness and vigor rather than a large number of 
syllables with diminished force. 

To pronounce "gentleman" as it is written, and 
with distinctness. 






IN SPEECH. 5 I 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To use the "newspaper English" of mediocre 
newspaper writers, saying " transpire " for "happen," 
" donate " for " give," " residential," etc. 

To say " lady friend " or " gentleman friend." 

To say u female " for " woman " or " lady." 

To coin new and superfluous words, such as " walk- 
ist," " disconcertion/' and other abominations. 

To say " folks " for " family " or " people." Thus 
one should not say, " How are all your folks ? " 

To say " pants " or " vest." 

To say " garment " for " coat," " cloak," " man- 
tle," or other outside garment. 

To use slang, especially where one does not 
know its derivation, many slang words having a 
secondary meaning and low origin. 

To pronounce "government" as if it were "gov- 
erment." 

To say " not-pepper " for " note-paper." 

To use the abbreviation " gents " under any 
circumstances. 

To say "genelman," "gempman," or " gehemp- 
man." 



52 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To pronounce the o in "stone" like that in 
"go." 

To say " Grinnidge," " Norridge," " Bruns'ick," 
if one would follow the English pronunciation ; also 
to pronounce Gower Gore, Salisbury Salzbury, Cock- 
burn Coburn, Brougham Broum, Geoghegan Gay- 
gan, Cholmondely Chumlty, Marjoribaoks March- 
banks, Cavendish Candish. 

To be careful to give vowel sounds correctly. 

To give each syllable its proper value or length, 
in pronouncing it, so that all have their fair share of 
accent, and no one has too much. 

To remember that many so-called Americanisms 
are in reality old-English forms of speech, and that 
we have altered the grand old English tongue of 
Shakspeare and the Bible less than our brothers 
across the water have done. 

To pronounce the letter r in words where it 
occurs, as in " arm," " girl," " rubber." 

To quote very sparingly from foreign languages, 
especially those with the pronunciation of which one 
is not familiar. 



IN SPEECH. 53 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To pronounce ue like oo, or oo like ue. 

To say Green-wich, Nor-wich, Brunswick. 

To say "spoon" and "stone" with a short 
vowel sound, " av'noo " for "avenue," "chick'n," 
"N'Yawk," etc. 

To flatten the a and say "bayth " for " bath," as is 
sometimes done in the Middle States and elsewhere, 
or to say " dawg " for " dog." 

To say "coat" and "boat " with a short sound, 
as some New Englanders do. 

To say " jally " for "jelly." 

To say " paw and maw," or " payr and mayr," 
for " papa and mamma." 

To clip off final letters or syllables, or those that 
occur in the middle of a word, thus making a trisyl- 
lable into a dissyllable, as "gen'ally " for "generally." 

To roll the r too much, or add it at the end 
of words where it does not belong. 

To say "kep' " for "kept." "clo'es" for "clothes," 
" mon's " for " months," or " fam'ly " for " family." 

To drop the h, as in " w'en " for " when," " w'ite " 
for " white," " w'ere " for " where." 



54 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To say " memorand//^ " in the singular, and 
" memoranda " in the plural. 

To speak of " telegraphing" or of "sending a 
telegram." 

To pronounce "polonaise" as if it ended in 
aze. 

To pronounce in English fashion the names of 
foreign places or persons which have become angli- 
cized ; as Paris, Vienna, Napoleon. 

To say " It is /," and " He went with Harry and 
me" 

To remember that the expressions " Yes, sir," and 
" Yes, madam," are much less used than formerly. 

To teach children to say, "Yes, mother (or 
father)," and " No, mother ; " and to say m \ 
(or madam)," to old people or to those who adhere 
to the old ways of speech. 

For an inferior to say " sir " or " madam " in 
speaking to a superior. 

To say " sir " or " madam " if one have occasion 
to address a stranger, using the word M madam " for 
a single as well as for a married lady. 



IN SPEECH. 55 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To drop the g final, as in "goin'," "doin', 
"sayin'," " dinin'-room," etc. 

To follow the inspiration of your own genius in 
forming the plural or singular of Greek or Latin words. 

To follow every new wind of doctrine in the mat- 
ter of pronunciation, thus showing an over-anxiety 
to pronounce " in the newest manner and politest 
fashion." 

To say "ya'as," "yeah," or "ye-up" for "yes." 

To say "It is me" or "He went with Harry 
and /." 

To use " don't " as an abbreviation of "does not." 

To say " ain't " or " hain't." 

To say " you was " for " you were." 

To use the word " elegant "as a general and in- 
discriminate term of praise, as " I had an elegant 
time ; " " That is perfectly elegant." 

To say "mum," " 'm," or " ma'am," unless when 
speaking to old or very conservative persons, to 
employers, or superiors. 

To address a young lady as "miss," or to say, 
"Yes, miss/' "No, miss." 



56 THE CORRECT Till XG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be as polite at home as one is abroad. 

To have one's house always in good order, whether 
any guests are expected or not. 

To have a place at one's table, a room in one's 
house, and a welcome in one's heart for any friend 
who may unexpectedly arrive. 

To remember that punctuality is the hinge of busi- 
ness, and to insist that the whole household shall be 
" on time." 

For the lady of the house to remember the saint 
who built her husband a smoking-room, and do 
likewise. 

To make home attractive, and to remember that 
over-severity makes young people deceitful, and 
drives them to seek amusements elsewhere, and in 
secret. 

To be attentive as well as respectful and polite to 
old people, remembering how few are their pleas- 
ures and opportunities for enjoyment. 

To arise and offer one's own chair, or procure 
another comfortable one and place it in a good 
position, for an older person who enters the room. 



LY THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 57 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be afraid to use one's good manners every 
day, lest they should wear out. 

To have the parlor alone in order, and the rest of 
the house in confusion. 

To calculate the provisions for a meal so closely 
that the arrival of a guest will produce despair and 
confusion. 

To make one's family circle into a close corpo- 
ration, debarring all outsiders therefrom, save on 
grand and ceremonious occasions. 

For the gentlemen of the house to smoke in all 
parts of it, or to leave cigar- stumps, ashes, and 
burned matches on the tables and floors as pleas- 
ing mementos of their presence. 

To make unnecessary noise when one comes 
home late at night, thus disturbing the rest of the 
household. 

To sit between another person and the fire or 
light, or to sit still and allow one's parent to bring 
a chair without offering to assist him. 

For children or young people to monopolize the 
most desirable positions and most comfortable chairs. 



58 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For parents to maintain their own dignity and 
proper position, treating their children with gener- 
osity, but not imitating the folly of King Lear. 

For a young man to remember that his mother's 
house is not a boarding-house, and that whether he 
pay for his own board or not, his behavior in his 
parents' house must always be that of a respectful 
and considerate son. 

To knock on the door before entering any one's 
private apartment. 

For young people to allow their parents, elders, 
or guests to precede them in entering or leaving a 
room, or in going up-stairs. 



LV THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 59 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a young man to allow his father to carry 
heavy bundles or packages because he himself is too 
lazy or too " dudish " to assist his parent. 

For young people to be selfish, expecting all the 
arrangements of the house to be made for their 
pleasure and convenience, and all the expenses to 
be incurred for their benefit. 

For a young man to refuse to help his parents 
after he begins to earn his own living, or for him to 
"give himself airs," order the servants about, or 
make unnecessary trouble in his father's house be- 
cause he happens to pay his own way. 

To be profane, or to use doubtful slang. 



60 THE CORRECT THING 

Concerning Son 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be dignified but always courteous in one's 
demeanor toward servants. 

To treat them as if they were " human beings," 
caring properly for them when ill, and taking a 
kindly and sufficient interest in their affairs and 
their troubles. 

To systematize the work of one's household as 
far as possible, and to tell a sen-ant when one first 
engages her just what duties will be expected of her, 
stipulating that she shall be willing to do other work 
if necessary. 

To take hold of work yourself occasionally, when 
the gods of the lower regions are tired or demor- 
alized, thus helping to tide over an emergency, and 
showing that you respect the dignity of labor. 

To be the head of the house in fact as well as in 
name, keeping a watchful eye on the affairs of the 
household. 

To allow fair " privileges," religious and other. 

To be sometimes a little blind. 



IN THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 



Concerning Servants 
It is not the Correct Thing 

To be familiar with servants, or to joke and laugh 
with them. 

To treat servants as if they were " door-mats under 
one's feet," or to pet or spoil them. 

To talk gossip with servants or children, or to 
allow them to tell you about other people's affairs. 

To turn a servant into the street when he or she 
falls ill in your service. 

To bind heavy burdens upon their backs, and not 
raise one finger to lift them. 

To blame servants constantly, but to forget to 
give them due praise. 

To allow servants to be wasteful or careless, or 
to go out constantly without first asking leave. 

To allow a servant to dictate to her mistress, or 
refuse to obey the latter's bidding, saying " That 
isn't my place." 

To watch servants with a suspicious eye. 

To imagine that "angels go out to service." 

To rebuke or praise servants or children in the 
presence of other persons. 



62 THE CORRECT TIIIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To find fault when necessary, but to keep con- 
trol of one's temper. 

To insist that servants shall keep themselves 
looking neat and tidy, especially when waiting upon 
table or answering the door-bell. 

To teach servants to move about the house and 
wait upon the table as noiselessly as possible. 

To go and find the person to whom one wishes 
to speak, and to speak to him in the room where 
he is. 

To have the servant summon the different mem- 
bers of the family to their meals by knocking on 
the doors of their rooms. 

To have a foot-bell under the dining-table, in order 
to summon a servant from the kitchen without noise. 

To avoid giving orders to a servant in the pres- 
ence of guests or others except when it is necessary. 

At the dinner-table to summon the sen-ant with a 
look, and to give her the order as quietly as possible. 

For a waitress to remain in the dining-room, or 
within easy call, during the progress of a meal until 
she is dismissed from attendance on the table. 



IN THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 6$ 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To scold servants, or to " whip one over the 
shoulders of another." 

To expect that a cook can always look as neat as 
a waitress. 

To slam doors, or to laugh and scream, and make 
a great noise in the kitchen. 

To allow servants, children, or any one else to 
scream or call up and down stairs. 

To allow servants to join in the conversation or 
make any remarks while waiting on the table. 

To allow them to make a noise or clatter with the 
dishes in the dining-room. 

To allow servants to scrape off the plates, or to 
remove the knives and forks from them, when clear- 
ing off the table for dessert. 

For a servant to build up a small Tower of Babel 
on her waiter, when clearing off the table. 

For a servant to lean over the table to get at 
some dish on the opposite side. 

To entice a servant, by promise of extra wages or 
other advantage, away from a service where she is 
satisfied and willing to stay. 



64 THE CORRECT Til IXC 

Concerning Children 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that children are the light and life 
of home, and the hope of the future. 

To decide in the first instance whether the chil- 
dren shall obey the parents, or the parents the 
children, and to adhere to the decision when once 
made. 

For parents to consider the matter carefully be- 
fore threatening to punish or promising to reward, 
but in either case to keep to their word when it is 
once given. 

To break a rash promise rather than to do a 
cruel thing. 

For parents to teach children to tell the truth, by 
doing so themselves. 

For children to be considerate in their behavior 
toward servants, and to be civil to them and to each 
other. 

For children to be respectful and helpful to their 
parents, even in America. 

For parents to pay some attention to the comings 
and goings, the associations and occupations, of their 



IN THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 65 

Concerning Children 
It is not the Correct Thing 

To allow children to answer back, or to be pert. 

To allow children, especially boys, to affect a 
blase, "slangy" tone, drawling out "What are you 
giving us?" "Chestnuts!" or other odious slang 
expressions. 

For parents to obey their children. 

To rebuke or praise children before other people. 

To talk about children in their presence, thus 
making them self-conscious, and often conceited. 

To punish children cruelly, or when one is angry. 

To allow children to make personal remarks to 
visitors, or finger their clothes. 

For children to keep on ringing the door-bell till 
the servant opens the door, to whistle in the house, 
or to make needless and endless dirt, noise, and 
confusion. 

To allow children too great freedom or too much 
pocket-money, or to permit them to go alone to 
restaurants, theatres, etc. 



5 



66 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

children, — boys as well as girls, — remembering 
that many a child has been ruined by perpetual 
running in the streets. 

To teach children to hang up their hats and coats 
when they come into the house. 

To remember the saying, " Whoso shall offend 
one of these little ones which believe in me, it were 
better for him that a millstone were hanged about 
his neck." 

To work while you work, and play while you play. 

To make the evening a time for pleasant and 
wholesome recreation and amusement, remembering 
that " All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." 

To remember that children get a large part of 
their education from the conversation of their par- 
ents, and therefore, — 

To avoid gossip and idle talk. 

To remember that innocent fun hurts nobody, and 
helps to make the burden of life endurable. 

To bring up children to be polite, respectful, and 
well-mannered, but with manners and behavior suited 
to their years. 



IN THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 6y 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To allow boys to keep their hats on in the 
house. 

To frighten children with stories of people who 
are coming after them, or to leave them too much 
in the care of servants. 

To force a nervous, timid child to stay alone in a 
dark room. 

For any person to put his feet on a chair, table, 
or mantel-piece, or anywhere save on a footstool or 
the floor. 

To allow children to consider their mother in the 
light of a hat-rack, bureau, or table, handing to her 
whatever article they wish to get rid of. 

To scold children for asking questions : this is 
about as reasonable as to scold them for breathing 
or thinking. 

To allow children to interrupt any one who is 
speaking, or to allow them to be rude or savage in 
their behavior. 



68 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To dress children in pretty, but simple and child- 
ish fashion. 

To teach boys to take off their caps politely when 
they make a bow. 

When Laying the Table 

To use fine linen, napkins of generous size, pretty 
china and glass ware, and well-polished silver. 

For those who can afford the necessary expense 
to change the napkins at every meal, and the table- 
cloths very frequently. 

To use a large napkin spread over the cloth under 
the meat-platter if one desire to preserve the table- 
cloth from soil or stain. 

To use snowy white and clean, carefully ironed 
table-cloths, with an under-cloth of white canton 
flannel. 

To use a colored or tinted cloth for luncheon or 
breakfast if one prefer to do so. 

To use very large napkins for dinner and luncheon, 
and rather smaller ones for breakfast. 



EN THE FAMILY CIRCLE. 69 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To dress them like grown persons, or in an elab- 
orate style. 

To bring up children at hotels or boarding-houses, 
if one can possibly avoid it. 



When Laying the Table 

To have a very handsomely appointed table with 
insufficient food upon it. 

To spend a great deal of money for food, and 
none for suitable table-equipage. 

For those who live in a handsome and expensive 
style to use napkin-rings. 

To use silver that is dull for the want of clean 
hot suds, a clean towel, and frequent rubbing with 
chamois-skin. 

To use table-mats. 

To use a colored cloth for dinner. 

To use a soiled or spotted cloth. 

To put a cloth on crooked, or so that it humps up 
in the middle. 



JO THE CORRECT Til IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use breakfast napkins for tea, or fringed doilies 
if one prefer them. 

To put a piece of bread or a roll on or in each 
napkin or beside each plate at dinner, and a dish 
with a reserve supply on the sideboard. 

To place miniature ornamental pepper-pot 
ally of silver, at the four corners of the table, or at 
each plate. 

To place oil, vinegar, and mustard on the side- 
board, or at an informal meal they may be set on 
the table in little ornamental bottles or jugs. 

To have on the sideboard a little silver or brass 
salver, on which the servant should hand all the 
dishes, and extra spoons or forks, should they by 
chance be desired. 

To use a crumb-scraper or fresh napkin and plate 
for removing crumbs. 

To place a dish of butter upon the sideboard, and 
to have it passed around when sweet-corn. 
potatoes, etc., are served. 

To provide each person with an individual butter- 
plate where butter is to be used at dinner. 



IN THE FAMILY CIRCLE. Jl 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To place a plate of bread on table for dinner. 

To put old-fashioned casters on table, or spoon- 
tumblers, or stands of any sort. 

To put on individual salt-cellars with which no 
salt-spoons have been used, unless one change the 
salt in them at every meal. 



To use a crumb-brush and tray, although some 
people do it. 

To place butter on the dinner-table. 

To put a pile of plates in front of the carver, 
instead of putting one plate before each person. 



THE CORRECT TH/XG 



It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that for a perfect feast, brilliant and 
agreeable conversation is as indispensable as a hand- 
some and well-furnished table. 

To pay great attention to the selection of the 
guests, choosing those who will be agreeable to one 
another, and remembering that while there may be 
variety, there must be harmony. 

To remember that the law of proportion is the 
law of beauty, and that guests will enjoy a compar- 
atively modest entertainment which is suited to the 
means of their host and the habits of his household 
far more than a very ambitious feast, for the prepa- 
ration of which it is evident that every nerve has 
been strained. 

To remember that a host should plan his dinner 
carefully beforehand, as a successful general plans 
a battle ; but that when the conflict begins he must, 
like the latter, have courage and calmness. 

For the hostess to tell each gentleman which 
lady he is to take in to dinner, or to cause cards to 
be placed on the hall-table giving this informa- 
tion. 



AT A DhYXER-PARTY. 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To invite many very shy or taciturn persons. 

To invite many people who like to monopolize 
conversation ; one of this kind will be found 
amply sufficient. 

To invite people who do not speak to one an- 
other. 

To invite only those persons who see each other 
constantly, and hence are not likely to have any new 
or fresh subjects for conversation. 

To attempt to give a dinner which is more elabo- 
rate and ceremonious than one's establishment will 
warrant. 

For a hostess to look or feel worried. The guests 
will be very quick to observe this ; and while it 
may amuse those who are spiteful, it will tend to 
dampen the spirits of the company. 

To have four, eight, or twelve persons, or any 
number divisible by four, sit down at the table 
where the host and hostess sit one at each end of 
the table, since this arrangement will make two 
gentlemen and two ladies come next each other, 
and is therefore to be avoided, if possible. 



74 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to ask to be presented to the 
lady whom he is to take in to dinner where he is 
not already acquainted with her. 

For a host and hostess to sit at each end or in 
the middle of each side of the dining-table. 

For the host to go in to dinner first, taking in the 
lady in whose honor the dinner-party is given. 

Where the dinner has been given for no special 
person, for the host to take in the most disting 
or the eldest lady present, or the wife of the most 
distinguished man, or a stranger, or a bride. 

For the hostess to go in to dinner last with the 
husband of the lady whom the host is escorting, 
where the dinner is given for a married couple ; 
in other cases the hostess should go in with the 
most distinguished or with the eldest gentleman 
present, or with a stranger. 

For the host to place the lady whom he takes in 
to dinner in the seat of honor, — that is, on his right 
hand ; the place on his left being reserved for the 
lady whose position or age entitles her to the second 
highest room. 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. ?$ 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to go in to dinner with a lady, 
without offering her his arm. 

For a gentleman to neglect to draw out a lady's 
chair from the table, and to assist her in drawing it 
up again, where the servant does not perform this 
office. 

For the hostess to go in to dinner first. 

To begin to eat or to talk on first sitting down 
at the table, without waiting to see whether grace 
is to be said. 

To make a long prayer or say a long grace, and 
thus keep a hungry company waiting while the 
dinner cools. 

For the host to take advantage of the helpless 
position of his guests and to retail to them all his 
old stories. 

To have a dining-room over-warm. 



J6 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to assign the seat on her right to 
the gentleman who takes her in to dinner, and that 
on her left to the gentleman who is entitled to the 
next highest distinction. 

To have the servant enter the drawing-room and 
announce in a low tone that " Dinner is served," or 
merely bow when he catches his mistress's eye. 

To light the dining-room with white or colored 
candles or lamps. 

To have part of the light come from above the 
table, or from side brackets or branches on the 
wall, and to have colored shades for the candles on 
the table. 

To have the table-cloth enriched with lace or 
embroidery if one prefer it so, but to have it plain 
white, of very fine quality, and ironed with perfect 
smoothness. 

To arrange the decorations of the table high 
enough for the guests to be able to see under, or 
low enough for them to see over, these ornamenta- 
tions. 

To use a profusion of flowers of delicate and 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To have the dining-room or the table over- 
crowded. Nothing is more uncomfortable than a 
table so arranged that the attendants cannot pass 
by without pushing or crowding against some one. 

To announce any formal meal, and least of all a 
dinner, by ringing a bell. This is a relic of the Dark 
Ages. 

To light a dining-room exclusively with gas, or 
to light it in such a way that there will be a glare of 
light in the eyes of the guests. 



To have the table-cloth consist wholly or in part 
of any material that does not wash, or of any colored 
material, such as satin ribbons. 

To arrange the ornaments in such a way as to 
interfere with conversation across the table, or to 
intercept the view of the guests. 

To use flowers with a very heavy fragrance, such 
as tuberoses, jasmine, etc. 

To use artificial flowers. 



yS THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

agreeable perfume, or to use a handsome dish of 
fruit and flowers, or of fruit alone, for a centre-piece. 
Gilt baskets or pots filled with growing ferns are also 
employed for this purpose. 

To remember that the display of good taste 
in the choice and arrangement of flowers, china, 
glass, or silver, is much more gratifying to guests 
of refinement than the mere display of wealth. 

To place carafes or water-bottles of cut or en- 
graved glass at each corner of the table, and for a 
large dinner in the centre of the sides also. 

To remember that plain dishes well prepared are 
much better liked by every one than elaborate 
dishes made without the requisite skill. 

To study gastronomy, whether for a large or a 
small feast, and to give things that are good of their 
kind and that go together harmoniously. 

To have the service and attendance good, and if 
one have not efficient waiters, to hire them from 
some responsible caterer. 

To remember that while one thoroughly trained 
and efficient waiter can attend to the wants of eight 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To make a display of plate or of flowers, growing 
plants, etc., that may appear ostentatious. Display 
for the sake of display is always vulgar; while a 
display which is beautiful in itself, and is made to 
give pleasure to the guests, is perfectly legitimate, 
provided it does not border upon extravagance. 

For a host to praise or to depreciate his own 
banquet, or any of its details. 

To expect miracles of the household cook. A 
woman who is in the habit of preparing six or eight 
dishes for dinner every day for six people cannot 
be expected to prepare twenty dishes for fourteen 
people without assistance. 

To expect that servants who are not trained to 
wait properly on table every day will be inspired to 
do so by the mere presence of a dozen critical 
strangers. 

To try new experiments, culinary or otherwise, 
upon one's guests. 



80 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

or ten people, it is still often necessary' to employ 
a greater number, a waiter to every three or even 
to every two guests being sometimes employed. 

To place a card, with the name of the guest upon 
it, beside each plate at a large or ceremonious 
dinner. 

To use menu-cards for public dinners, one being 
set at each place, or one to every two persons. 

To have a cover (that is, plate for each person) 
accompanied by two large knives, a small silver knife 
and fork for fish, three large fork?, a table-spoon for 
soup, a small oyster-fork for eating raw oysters, a 
goblet for water, and where wine is used, to have 
glasses for claret, hock, champagne, sherry, etc., 
placed around the water-goblet. 

To place the knives and oyster-fork on the right, 
and the other forks on the left, of the plate. 

To place a napkin, folded in some simple form, on 
the left side of each plate, with a roll or small thick 
piece of bread placed upon or tucked into it. 

To place the glasses on the right of each plate. 

To put seven or even nine wine-glasses beside 



AT A DIXXER-PARTY. Si 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To use menu-cards for a dinner in private a house. 

At a simple dinner, consisting of only a few 
courses, to place beside each plate more knives and 
forks than each person will need. 

To place the knives at the top of the plate ; that 
is, across the table. 

To cut the bread in thin slices for dinner. 

To place the napkin in the water-goblet. 

To make a napkin stiff with starch, to fold it into 
a fan or other shape savoring of hotel-practices, or 
to put it upon table while still damp or smelling of 
soap. 

To place the glasses on the left of the plate. 

To put the glasses on table with the stems up. 

To set the table in such a careless manner that 
the guests will be uncertain as to which is each 
person's glass of water or piece of bread. 
6 



82 THE CORRECT TIIIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

each plate for those whose consciences will allow 
them to do so. 

For those who wish to do so, to place extra and 
very delicate wine-glasses, one for sherry or ma- 
deira, and the other for claret or burgundy, on 
table with the dessert. 

To put the more ordinary wines on table first, 
and the choicest brands with the dessert. 

To put an individual salt-cellar, with diminutive 
salt-spoon, beside each plate. 

To begin the dinner with raw oysters (of in 
summer, small raw clams) on the half shell. 
on the regulation oyster-plates, with a piece of 
lemon in the centre. 

To serve one or two soups simultaneously after 
the oysters, a white and a brown, or a white and 
a clear, soup. 

To serve the soup and all the rest of the dinner 
from the sideboard in diner a la Kusse. 

To serve fish after soup, and entrees, or " those 
dishes which are served in the fust course after the 
fish," next. 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 83 

It is not the Correct Thing 



To give people sherry-glasses for champagne, 
claret-glasses for sherry, etc. 



To put on ordinary or poor wines with the 
dessert. 

To place table-spoons (other than those for soup) 
or other extra silver on the table. 1 

To place cruets, casters, or butter-dishes on table. 

At a formal dinner, to serve raw oysters on an 
ordinary plate. 

To serve two soups, one after the other, as if they 
constituted two courses. 

To serve soup on the table in diner a la Russe. 

To serve any vegetable save potato (or a vegeta- 
ble salad) with fish. 

1 This is one of the new rules, and is not universally followed. 
At some houses where dinners are served in great elegance, extra 
silver, in the shape of ornamental spoons, etc., is still to be seen 
upon the tables. 



84 THE CORRECT TIL 

It is the Correct Thing 

To serve two entrees at once at an elaborate 
dinner. 

To serve the roast after the entrees, then the 
Roman punch (which is properly an entrcmit, or 
" dish coming after the roast in the second course "), 
then the game and salad. 

To serve salad either with the game or as a sep- 
arate course, accompanied by cheese and bread and 
butter. The bread may be cut very thin and nicely 
buttered, or the butter and bread may be served 
separately. 

To serve some vegetables, as asparagus, sweet - 
corn, or macaroni, as courses by themselves. 

To serve cheese as a course by itself. 

To serve the ices and sweet dishes after the salad 
and cheese, then the fruit, then the bonbons. 

To serve coffee in the drawing-room, or it may be 
served in the dining-room after a dinner where the 
guests have not sat very long at table. 

To serve after-dinner coffee (which should be 
strong and black, but not muddy) in diminutive 
cups, with tiny gold or silver coffee-spoons. 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 85 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To give Roman punch with a simple dinner, — ■ 
where there is only one course of meat, for instance. 

To serve more than one or two vegetables with 
one course in diner a la Russe. 

To carry to extremes the modern fashion of serv- 
ing each dish by itself, and thus make an infinite 
number of courses and an over-long and tedious 
meal. 



To serve coffee in the dining-room where the 
guests have already sat at table for a long time. 

To serve after-dinner coffee with milk or cream. 
It is sometimes done, however, as many people 
prefer cafe an lait to cafe ?ioir. 

For the hostess to pour out after-dinner coffee, 
either in the dining-room or drawing-room. 



86 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have after-dinner coffee poured out in the 
kitchen or butler's pantry, and passed around in 

cups on a salver, accompanied with lump-sugar. 

For the gentlemen to rise when the ladies leave 
the table, and for the one nearest the door to hold it 
open while the ladies pass out. The gentlemen 
then usually return to the table, where they 
short time, discussing wine, cigars, and liqueurs. 

For the hostess to give the signal to leave the 
table when she sees that there is a lull in the con- 
versation. 

To provide hot plates for hot-meat courses, 
entrees, etc. 

To place a fresh fork, or fork and knife, as the 
case may require, on the fresh plate which is handed 
to each person at every new course, after the knives 
and forks of the original cover have been exl 

To clear everything from the table, except the 
decorations and lights, before the dessert is set on, 
removing the crumbs with a silver crumb-scraper or 
a clean napkin and a plate. 

For the dessert, to place a dessert-plate with a 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 87 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For gentlemen to remain long at table after the 
ladies have left it, or for them to drink heavily. To 
do so would now be considered as very boorish. 

For the hostess to leave the table when some one 
is in the midst of relating a story. 

To provide hot plates for salads, cold meats, or 
hot puddings, which last keep their own heat with- 
out any outside aid. 

To retain one's knife and fork in one's hand or 
to lay them on the table when one's plate is 
removed at the end of a course, or when it is 
passed back to the carver for a second supply. 

To remove the table-cloth before the dessert. 
This was formerly the custom. 

For any one to put to actual use the decorative 
and expensive little doilies now so fashionable. 

To imitate the countryman in " Punch," who 
said a propos of cordial, that he should " like to 
have some more of that in a mug." 



THE CORRECT T///XG 



It is the Correct Thing 

silver dessert knife and fork, and a gold or silver 
dessert-spoon, and sometimes an ice-spoon, at each 
place. 

To put the finger-bowls on table for the fruit 
course. They are set on glass or handsome china- 
plates, with a fruit-napkin, or an embroidered doily 
between. 

To set on real fruit-napkins where peaches or 
other fruits that stain badly, are to be eaten. 

To serve sherry with the soup ; chablis, hock, or 
sauterne with the fish-course ; claret and champagne 
with the roast ; madeira and port — if they be 
used — after the game , and sherry and claret again, 
or burgundy, with the dessert. 

To substitute apollinaris water for wine if one 
wishes to do so, or to give only two or three wines, 
— sherry and claret, or champagne. 

To serve cordials or liqueurs after the dessert, 
poured out into tiny glasses (by the butler), and 
passed around the table on a small salver. 

To set champagne and other sparkling wines in 
an ice-pail to cool until just before they are served, 



AT A DIXNER-PARTY. 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To fill finger-bowls more than half-full of water, 
or to put ice-water in them, since this would be 
unpleasantly cold to the fingers. 

In the opinion of many persons to give a heavy 
and elaborate dinner, without providing any wine 
to accompany it. According to the views of these 
persons, wine is needed with a heavy dinner to 
assist the digestion and prevent the guests from 
growing silent. As many physicians assert that wine 
impedes digestion, the question seems to be a diffi- 
cult one to decide. 



To bring a champagne-bottle dripping with 
moisture to the table, nor to allow the drops from 
it to fall on a lady's dress. 

To decant champagne or other sparkling wines. 

To put ice in any one's champagne -glass without 
first asking if he wish it. 



90 THE CORRECT T///.YG 

It is the Correct Thing 

and to pour them out as quickly as possible after 
they are opened. 

To wrap a napkin about the champagne-bottle, 
as it is apt to be wet. 

To pass around a bowl of broken ice before the 
champagne is offered to the guests. 

To serve claret and burgundy of about the same 
temperature as that of the room ; they are some- 
times warmed slightly. 

To decant sherry, madeira, and port, and some- 
times claret. 

According to modern custom, for the sen-ants to 
pour out wine for the guests at any formal meal. 
If the wine be on the table, however, the host may 
offer it to his guests, and the gentlemen may help 
the ladies sitting next to them, passing the wine on 
to the nearest gentleman. 

For a sen-ant to offer wine on the right hand. 

For the sen-ant to offer all dishes on the left hand. 

To have the soiled dishes and silver promptly 
removed from the dining-room, by a special 
if necessary. 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 9 1 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To ice claret or burgundy. 

In the opinion of many people, to decant very 
old or rare wines. These are sometimes brought 
in — with the cobwebs left upon the bottle — as a 
proof of their age. 

To allow a stupid or untrained servant to pour 
out wine for the guests, since this task requires care, 
nicety, and a steady hand. 

To attempt to give an elaborate dinner of many 
courses without a large supply of china and plate. 
If one do so, the result will resemble that of Bob 
Sawyer's party. 

To enliven the company with the cheerful sound 
of the washing of dishes in close proximity to the 
dining-room. 



To offer wine on the left hand. 

For the servant to hand to the guests anything 
that requires carving, or that it will be difficult for 
them to remove from the dish. 



THE CORRECT TIIIXC 



It is the Correct Thing 

For the guest to remove promptly the knife and 
fork, finger-bowl, etc., from his plate, in order not to 
delay the service of the next course. 

For the servant to pass the entrees to the guests 
in order that they may help themselves, or to help 
these dishes from the sideboard. 

For a servant to have a small napkin wrapped 
around his hand, so that it shall not come in con- 
tact with the dishes. 

For one sen-ant to help each person to the 
proper sauce or vegetables, following another who 
has just passed the meat or fish, etc. 

Where there are several senants, for one to be- 
gin at each side of the table, helping first the lady 
who sits next to the host, and the others in the 
order in which they sit, helping the gentlemen 
after all the ladies have been helped. 

(Where there is only one senant, he may, for the 
sake of convenience, help the guests in the order 
in which they sit, first of all, however, the I 
the host's right, next the one on his left, leaving 
the host to receive his plate last of all.) 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 93 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For the servant to hand to the guest platters large 
enough to be clumsy and to take up too much 
room. 

In the opinion of many persons for a servant to 
wear gloves in a private house, although it is some- 
times done. 

To allow a careless or inexperienced servant to 
pass dishes to the guests, in order that they may 
help themselves ; since he will be apt to hold the 
dish too high or too low, to spill gravy, or to drop 
the spoon or fork on the floor. 

To help the hostess first when other ladies are 
present. 

To help the host until after every one else has 
been helped. 



94 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a butler or head-waiter to wear dark morning 
costume until the late dinner-hour, when he wears 
evening-dress. 

According to English custom, for the second man 
to wear livery, — in fact, for all the men-servants, 
save the first. Many persons, however, think that 
liveries are out of place in a republic like our 
own. 

When you wish to drink a person's health, to 
bow to him (the other person bowing in return) ; 
each one then drinks a few drops of wine, and sets 
down his glass, bowing again. 

To expedite, as far as is possible, the service of 
the table, the length prescribed for a dinner by 
modern usage being from one to two hours. 



AT A DINNER-PARTY. 95 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a butler or head- waiter to wear livery. 
For a butler to wear evening-dress before the late 
dinner-hour. 



Under ordinary circumstances, to drink toasts at 
private dinners. 

To drink a person's health in cold water, as this 
is thought to portend bad luck. 

To give dinner-parties where the guests sit at 
table during three or four hours. Such long sessions 
are now thought to be wearisome ; the Prince of 
Wales having introduced the fashion of remaining 
for a comparatively short time at the table. 



96 THE CORRECT TIIIXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that the first law of the table is to 
do nothing that might be unpleasant to otl 

To speak of a person's "behavior at the table" 
or " manners at table." 

To arrive punctually at the hour named in the 
invitation for a dinner-party. 

To avoid leaning far back in one's chair, or 
sitting sidewise, or on the edge of it. 

To eat soup with as little noi ble, and 

to take it from the side of the spoon. 

To leave the soup on your plate it' you particu- 
larly dislike it. 

When helping to soup, to give each person half 
a hdleful, or a ladleful at a family dinner. 

To use a silver fish-knife in addition to the fork 
when eating fish, and to help to it with a silver fish- 
knife or slice and fork. 

To remember that " hurry was made for slaves." 

To take hold of the knife by the handle, allow- 
ing the forefinger to rest on the upper part of the 
blade only. 



AT TABLE. 97 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To make one's self disagreeable in any way to 
one's neighbors. 

To use the expression " Table manners." 

To come more than five minutes before, or more 
than five minutes after, the hour named for a dinner. 

To lean too much over the table, or to place 
one's elbows on it. 

To ask for a second helping of soup or fish. 

To put a spoon into the mouth, point foremost. 

To refuse soup. 

To fill the plate when helping to soup. 

To use a steel knife for helping to fish, or for 
eating it. 

To eat rapidly. 

To eat with one's knife. 



77/K CORRECT 77IIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

For every one, for every gentleman certainly, to 
learn how to carve. 

For the butler to do the carving on the sideboard 
at all ceremonious meals. 

To use a fork for breaking up and eating potatoes. 

To use a fork alone for eating croquettes, patties, 
and most of the made-dishes now so fashionable 
for vegetables, puddings not too soft, many fruits, 
soft cheese, etc. 

To use either spoon or fork for eating ice-' 

To use both knife and furk for salad which has 
not been previously cut up. 

To eat celery and olives with the fir. i 

To eat asparagus with the fingers, holding 
the butt, or it may be cut up with the knife and 
fork, and eaten with the aid of the latter. 

To use a fork for conveying back to one's plate, 
as quietly as possible, fish-bones, scraps of gristle, 
etc. 

To use a spoon for water-ices, soup, puddings, 
tea, coffee, and chocolate, preserves, berries 
daily where milk or cream is served with them), 



AT TABLE. 99 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To raise and spread out the elbows when cutting 
up one's food, or to cut it all up at once, as if for 
a child. 

To display too much vigor in grasping one's 
knife and fork. 

To cut potato, or touch it with a knife. 

To use a spoon where one can conveniently use 
a fork. 

To cut salad into little pieces on one's plate, so 
that it looks like mince-meat. This should be done 
in the kitchen, if at all. 

To take asparagus in one's fingers when it is 
covered with sauce. 

To leave a spoon standing in a tea-cup instead of 
laying it in the saucer. 

To drink tea out of the saucer, or to pour it into 
the saucer to cool. 

When pouring out tea, to fill the cup so full that 
it runs over. 



100 THE CORRECT Til IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

custards, or for any dishes too soft to be managed 
conveniently with a fork. 

To use a silver knife for fruit where one is 
required. 

To prepare and eat fruit with special nicety and 
care. 

To remove fruit-stones and seeds from the mouth 
with the thumb and fingers, or with a fork. 

To remove the skins and stones of grape 
the mouth with the thumb and ;, 

To use a fork as well as a knife with any juicy 
fruit, such as a juicy pear or a pineapple. 

To peel and slice bananas with a knife and fork, 
and then eat them with a fork. 

To peel an orange with a knife or spoon, divide 
it into pegs, and eat it with the aid of the fingers, 
or to cut it up nicely with a knife and fork, and eat 
it with the latter. 

To use a finger-bowl after eating fruit, — dipping 
the tips of the fingers in it, and passing them nicety 
over the mouth, then wiping both fingers and mouth 
on the napkin. 



AT TABLE. 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To use a steel knife with fruit of any sort. 

To eat fruit in a mussy or unpleasant manner, 
getting one's fingers or mouth covered with juice. 

To spit the stones, seeds, or skins of fruit into 
one's plate. 



To eat pineapples with the fingers. 

To eat bananas with the fingers, except at a very 
informal meal. 

To peel a pear or peach, and take up the juicy 
pieces in one's fingers, instead of using a fork. 

To suck an orange, or to eat it in public at all, 
if one cannot do so in a delicate way. 

To dip the whole hand in the finger-bowl. 



102 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To hold the fork in the right hand, when eating 
with it, with the tines curving down in the middle 
so as to form a bowl, that is to say, in the reverse 
position from that in which the fork is held for 
carving. 

" To raise the fork to the mouth laterally with the 
right hand," so that the fork will be nearly parallel 
with the mouth. 

To lay the knife and fork side by side on the 
plate, with the handles together, when sending it 
back for a second helping. This is the modern 
custom. 

To use a second plate of about the same size as 
a tea plate for salad, where it is served at the same 
time with vegetables and meat or fish. This is in 
order to prevent the salad dressing from mixing 
with the vegetables. 

To put on only one plate where the fish or meat 
is served with salad and no other accompaniment. 

For grown people to break bread in pie< i 
buttering it or eating it. 

To break open biscuits, muffin 5 ;, and gems. 






AT TABLE. 103 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To pack food on the back of the fork, thus neces- 
sitating the use of the fork wrong side up. 

To crook the elbow in eating, so as to bring the 
hand round at a right angle, or the fork directly 
opposite the mouth. 

To open the mouth unduly wide in eating. 

To double up a large slice of meat or cake, or to 
'* bolt ' ' the same. 

To tip the plate in order to secure the last drops 
of soup. 

To use separate plates or "sauce " plates for veg- 
etables or sauce. 

To put the skins of potato, orange-peel, etc., on 
the table-cloth. 



For adults to take " bites " out of a whole slice 
of bread. 

To cut open biscuits or other hot bread or cake. 



104 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To eat a boiled egg out of the shell with an egg- 
spoon. 

To ask the servant quietly for what you wish, 
after waiting for a suitable length of time. 

To ask the hostess, or your neighbor, to pass 
you what you wish, where no servant is present to 
hand the dishes. 

For the host to see that the wants of his guests 
are properly attended to, unless he have well-trained 
servants to whom he can safely depute this duty. 

To take the last piece on the dish if it be- 
to you. This shows your faith in the reserve sup- 
plies of your host's larder. 

To keep a plate which has been handed to you 
by the servant, thus acquiescing in the arrangements 
of your host. 

To hold a wine-glass by the stem. 

To refuse wine if you wish to do so. 

To be calm and unruffled, even if you upset any- 
thing on the cloth, or drop anything on the floor. 

When in doubt, to observe what your neighbors 
do. 



AT TABLE. 105 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To take a boiled egg out of the shell into a saucer 
or cup, or to eat it with a teaspoon, unless in cases 
where no egg-spoon has been provided. 

To be or to appear greedy or in haste. 

To trouble your neighbor to pass you the dishes 
where there is a servant present. 

For the guest to starve instead of asking for what 
he needs. 

For the lady of the house to allow her plate to 
be removed while her guests are still eating. 

To pass on a plate which the servant has handed 
to you. By doing so, you create confusion and 
delay. 

To hold a wine-glass by the bowl, or to turn it 
up on one's nose in order to get the last drops of 
wine. 

To allow the servant to fill one's glass where one 
does not intend to drink the wine, — although one 
need not feel obliged to drink it merely from the 
fact that it has been poured out. 

To apologize if you break anything, or to offer to 
replace it. 



106 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that no one is thinking about what 
you do half as much as you yourself are. 

For the conversation to become general during 
part of the time at a small dinner. 

To take off your gloves as soon as you sit down 
at the table. 

To refuse one or more courses at a long and 
elaborate dinner if you wish to do so. 

Where dinner is served in the old-fashion- 
for the gentleman who sits next the hostess to offer 
to do the carving for her. 

If one have occasion to pass anything, to la\ 
one's knife or fork, and to hand the dish carefully. 

In handing a plate back to the carver for a 
second supply, to hold it in such a position that the 
carver can readily put the meat on it. 

To speak of " eating " soup. 

To help all the ladies, including those of the 
household, before any gentleman is helped, no mat- 
ter how distinguished a person he may be. 

To help the lady of the house first when no 
guests are present. 



AT TABLE. \0J 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To be too precise and prim. 

To be flurried or nervous. This would only 
attract the attention which otherwise would not be 
bestowed upon you. 

To neglect those who sit next you, in order to 
listen to some more witty and agreeable person. 

To talk across^ people, or to turn your back to 
those who sit next you. 

To make comments of any sort, but especially 
unfavorable ones, upon the food. 

To feed cats, dogs, or any animals, at table, or 
what is still worse, to drop pieces of food or bones 
on the floor for their behoof. 

To ask a person to " dish out " food of any 
description. 

To reach in front of another person. 

To shove the dishes along the table. 

To speak of " drinking " soup. 

To pass a plate while holding fork, knife, bread, 
or anything else in one's hand. 

To use toothpicks, either natural or artificial. 



108 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To spread the napkin upon the knees, and in 
the case of little children to fasten it around the 
neck. 

To leave one's napkin unfolded on leaving the 
table, especially at a formal meal. 



For Children 1 

To wash the hands, and if necessary the face, and 
to smooth the hair before coming to any meal. 

To keep the chair on all its four legs. 

To wipe the mouth both before and after drinking, 
and to swallow what they are eating before begin- 
ning to drink. 

To use a piece of bread, or u bread-fork " to 
assist them in getting their food upon the fork. 

To help themselves to a dish with the knife, fork, 
or spoon provided for the purpose ; or if these 

1 These rule?, although specially intended for children, will 
apply with equal t'nrce to their elders. 






AT TABLE. 109 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To place toothpicks on the table at a private 
house. 

For adults to tuck a napkin into a button-hole, 
or to fasten it at the neck. 

To leave one's napkin unfolded at an ordinary 
meal when the hostess folds up hers. 



For Children 

To come to table at any very long or ceremonious 
meal. 

To wriggle and jump about on their chairs, or to 
lean too far over the table. 

To make playthings of the napkin-rings or silver, 
or to crumble up or play with bread. 

To turn up the glass or mug on the nose, or to 
look at people while drinking either over or through 
the glass. 

To arrange the food on the fork with the help 
of their fingers or of the knife. 

To put the spoon or fork so far into the mouth 



HO THE CORRECT T///.YG 

It is the Correct Thing 

implements have been forgotten, to ask the servant 
to bring them. 

To ask for a clean fork, knife, or spoon where 
their own has fallen upon the floor. 

To provide children with dessert-spoons for eat- 
ing soup. 

To take just enough on the fork for a proper- 
sized mouthful. 

To have, as an ordinary thing, a plain and whole- 
some diet. 

When they are old enough, to learn to eat what 
other people do. 

To eat bread and butter with the butter side 
up. 

To eat the pudding and the plums in it at the 
same time. 

To take the top slice of bread or cake, and to 
take the first piece that they touch. 

To lay the knife and fork side by side on the 
plate, with the handles together, when they have 
finished eating. 

To help girls before boys, and in the opinion of 



AT TABLE. Ill 

It is not the Correct Thing 

that the bystanders are doubtful of its return to the 
light. 

To help themselves to any dish with their own 
knife, fork, or spoon. 

To turn the spoon over in the mouth, or to put 
it in wrong side up. 

To wave about the spoon, knife, fork, or napkin. 

To fill the fork with food along the whole length 
of the tines, and then to "eat off" part at a time. 

To drop more than a certain percentage of food 
on their bibs or napkins. 

To be over-fastidious, asking questions about, 
and making comments upon, the food. 

To eat very rich or indigestible food. 

To eat too much. 

To say they "love " any article of food, or to find 
fault with it. 

To ask for any article of food which is not upon 
the table. 

To force a child, to eat what it especially dislikes. 
The result is sometimes unexpected and disastrous. 

To allow children to be careless in their behavior 



I i 2 THE c 'OA'A'L' CT 2 WA \ r G 

It is the Correct Thing 

many persons, to help very little children first, when 
no guests are present. 

To keep the mouth shut while eating. 

To hand a pitcher with the handle toward the 
recipient, and to hold spoons and forks by the mid- 
dle, and knives by the loner part of the shaft, the 
handles being turned toward the person to whom 
they are passed. 

To teach children to come punctually to all 
meals. 

To see in their parents' behavior an example of 
good breeding. 

To turn away the head when they are about to 
cough or sneeze, putting the handkerchief to the 
face at the same time. 

To preserve the public and private peace. 



AT TABLE. 113 

It is not the Correct Thing 

every day, and then scold them if they behave in 
the same manner before strangers. 

To allow them to have the " scrapings " of jam 
or jelly, unless it be in the privacy of the kitchen. 

To dip bread or cake into a glass of water. 

To dip bread into any sauce or gravy. 

To drain off a whole goblet at a draught. 

To speak while eating. 

To read at table. 

To hand a thing without looking to see what 
they are doing. Some unpleasant accidents have 
occurred in this way. 

To allow children to talk constantly, thereby an- 
noying one's guests. 

To forbid children to speak at all. 

To hurry and worry their parents and other peo- 
ple by their anxiety to have a meal finished. 

To yawn or stretch themselves. 

To spoil every one's pleasure and contentment 
by being cross or quarrelsome. 

To tell tales about unpleasant or " bluggy " 
subjects. 



114 riIE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have a good parquet floor, smooth, but not 
too slippery, and to remove all rugs therefrom. 

To have plenty of good music. 

To have a handsome supper, brilliant lights, and 
beautiful decorations for a ball. 

To decorate assembly rooms with handsome 
hangings, old furniture, tapestry, etc., as well as 
with flowers and potted plants. 

To provide chairs for the german. 

At a ball, to serve supper throughout the even- 
ing, or to serve it at a stated hour ; in the latter 
case, a second supper of some sort will be needed 
for those who dance the german. 

For every lady to wear her handsomest robes, 
her richest jewelry, at a ball. 

For young girls to wear white or light colors, soft 
transparent materials, and costumes that have a 
youthful effect. 

For the hostess to provide a Him for 

the ladies, and one for the gent. icr with 

one or more attendants to assist the former in tak- 
ing off their wraps and overshoes, and to make 



AT A DANCING-PARTY. 115 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To cover carpets with crash. This unwholesome 
custom has gone out of fashion. 

For a hostess whose drawing-rooms are small, to 
employ so many musicians as to make the music 
unpleasantly loud. 

To leave much furniture in a ball-room at a pri- 
vate house, thereby incommoding the dancers. 

To leave neither chairs nor sofas for the chape- 
rones. 

To give a ball or dancing-party and provide 
meagre or insufficient refreshments. The hostess 
who should do so would excite the wrath of dow- 
agers and dancers alike, since dancing makes peo- 
ple very hungry, and the lookers-on — from sym- 
pathy, no doubt — usually become hungry also. 

For debutantes or other young girls to wear much 
jewelry, dark silks or velvets, or rich laces. 

For women with ugly, scraggy necks, shoulders, 
and arms, to display them in a way that is painful 
to the beholders. 



THE CORRECT THIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

necessary repairs to their dresses, in case these be- 
come torn in dancing, in the course of the evening. 

To have the cloak-bundles numbered at a public 
or assembly-room ball. 

For the giver of a large party or ball to cause an 
awning to be placed at the entrance to his dwelling, 
together with a carpet on the steps or sidewalk ; he 
should also employ a policeman or private servant 
to open the doors of the carriages and help the 
ladies to get out. 

To have the carriages numbered at a ball given 
in an assembly room or public hall. 

For a lady to enter the room first, her husband 
following. 

For the eldest of several ladies to enter the room 
first. 

For the hostess at a ball to receive her guests 
with a courtesy alone, if she wish to do so. 

For the guests to shake hands with or make 
their bow to the hostess as soon as they arrive. 

For young gentlemen to invite the young ladies 
of the house to dance. 



AT A DANCING-PARTY. 117 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For any woman to wear a corsage cut so low as 
to cause general and unfavorable comment. 

For all the attendants to leave the dressing-room 
at once, in order to see the dancing. 

To have careless people in attendance, who do 
not put each lady's wraps carefully away in a sepa- 
rate bundle. 

To have any delay in opening the street-door for 
the guests. 

For a lady to enter a room leaning on the arm of 
her husband or other escort. 

For gentlemen to neglect to speak to the young 
ladies of the house, or neglect to invite them to 
dance. 

For a gentleman who is not acquainted with the 
young ladies of the house, to neglect to be pre- 
sented to them. 

For gentlemen to neglect to find and shake 
hands with the host, after speaking to the hostess. 

For a gentleman to ask a lady whom he does not 
know, to dance with him. In this country it is not 
permissible to do so. 



I I S THE CORRECT THJNQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to send a bouquet to a lady 
whom he has engaged beforehand to dance the 
cotillon with him. 

For a gentleman when he asks a young I 
dance with him, to do so in a definite and polite 
way. 

For a gentleman to ask his partner where he 
shall leave her at the conclusion of a dance or 
promenade. 

For a young lady to ask her partner to leave her 
with her mother or chaperone at the conclusion of 
a dance. 

To remember that the waltz-step changes every 
few years, and that a blunder in dancing is very 
like a crime. 

To remember that with perseverance, practice, 
and correct instruction, any young person who is 
not deformed can learn how to dance. 

For a gentleman to bow to a lady when asking 
her, or claiming her for a dance, and for both of 
them to bow and say " Thank you," when the dance 
is over. 



AT A DANCING-PARTY. 119 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to say to a lady, " Are you en- 
gaged for the polka?" This is a very impolite 
form of invitation. 

For a young lady to hint in any way that she 
should like to be asked to dance, or to make it 
difficult for a partner to leave her after a dance. 

For a gentleman to ask a lady to dance with him 
a certain dance which he knows will not be given, 
— as "the first waltz after supper," when the cotil- 
lon is to succeed the supper. 

For man or woman, but especially man, to en- 
deavor to waltz in public unless he know the current 
ball-room step. 

For a gentleman who is not an expert dancer, or 
who is not thoroughly acquainted with the figures 
of the german, to undertake to lead the cotillon. 

For people to dance in the german when it is 
not their turn, particularly where the leader requests 
that this shall not be done. 

To introduce a gentleman to a lady without first 
asking her permission. 



120 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a good waltzer to dance the german, even if 

he do not know its figures. In this case he should 
sit near the foot, and watch carefully the evolutions 
of those who precede him. 

For a hostess to provide favors and bouquets for 
the german. 

For a gentleman to ask the hostess or a mutual 
friend to introduce him to a young lady with whom 
he wishes to dance. 

For gentlemen to dance who know how to do so, 
and for young ladies to look pleasant and 
natured, whether they are asked to dance or not. 

For a lady to " take out " a stranger in the 
where she knows few people among the dan 

For a lady to refuse to dance if she wish to do 
so, taking care in this case to sit throughout the 
entire waltz, or whatever the dance may be. 

For a hostess to endeavor to provide all her 
guests with dancing partners, especially lor the 
cotillon. 

For the hostess to have the assistance of one or 
two young men in the matter of making introi .1 



AT A DAXCIXG-PARTY. 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For gentlemen (?) to refuse to dance when 
their hostess requests them to do so. 

For gentlemen to stand around the doorways, in 
dismal, black-coated groups, refusing to dance be- 
cause they are too lazy to do so, or because their 
favorite partners are dancing with other persons. 

To forget dancing engagements, or to become 
engaged to two persons for the same dance. 

For a lady to refuse the invitation of one gen- 
tleman, and then accept that of another for the 
same dance. Duels have been fought for smaller 
matters than this. 

In the opinion of many persons, for husband and 
wife, or for an engaged couple, to dance together 
throughout an entire evening. 

For a gentleman who is talking to a young lady 
and her chaperone when supper is announced, to 
offer his arm to the young lady, to take her to the 
supper-room, leaving the elder to follow as she 
best may. 

For a gentleman to remain with a lady after sup- 
per is announced, when he is engaged to take 



THE CORRECT THING 



It is the Correct Thing 

For the host to lead the way to supper, taking in 
with him the most distinguished or the eld 
present, and for the hostess to come last 

For a gentleman to take in to supper the lady 
with whom he is talking when it is announced ; or, 

For a gentleman to invite a lady beforehand to 
go in to supper with him, if he wish to do so. 

For a gentleman to ask any lady to whose wants 
no one seems to be attending, whether he may not 
bring her some refreshment. lie should make a 
bow and withdraw at once, however, where he has 
been waiting upon a stranger. 

To avoid even the appearance of greediness at 
the supper-table. 

For a hostess to employ professional waiters at 
any large party. 

For a gentleman to fill his own wine-gla 
those of the ladies upon whom he is attend: 
then to replace the bottle upon the table. 

To go away from a ball without taking leave of 
the hostess, where one leaves early, or where the 
crowd makes it difficult to find her. 






AT A DAXCIXG-PARTY. I 23 

It is not the Correct Thing 

another person in to supper, thus preventing the 
first lady from going in to the dining-room with 
some one else. 

For a gentleman to attempt to enter into conver- 
sation with a lady whom he does not know, using as 
a pretext for his behavior the fact that he has 
waited upon her at supper-time. 

For gentlemen to stand around the supper-table 
in such a way as to bar the approach of others, or 
for them to take more than their fair share of good 
things. 

For young men to carry plates and dishes care- 
lessly through a crowded supper-room, spilling their 
contents on the clothes of the guests. 

For a gentleman to keep a bottle of wine under 
his arm, or hide it away from other people. 

For young girls to remain unreasonably late at 
balls, having mercy neither upon their mothers nor 
upon their german-partners, who may perhaps be 
obliged to get up early and go to business next 
clay. 



124 THE CORRECT TH IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have the day and hour of an afternoon tea 
engraved on one's visiting-card, or written, if one 
prefer it so. 

To use an " At Home " card for an afternoon 
reception if one wish to do so. 

To remember that a large afternoon tea and a 
reception are very much alike, the latter being 
usually more formal in character. 

To give simple refreshments at an afternoon tea. 
One need only provide tea, with thin slices of bread 
and butter or sandwiches, fancy biscuits or cake, 
coffee or chocolate ; ice-cream and bouillon may be 
added to the list, also punch or lemonade. 

Tor those who wish to do so, to haw- 
varieties of delicate and pretty cakes, ami 
different kinds of bread and butter, also salted 
almonds, candies, litchi-nuts, or other dainty trilles 
on the afternoon tea-table. 

To give oysters, salads, pates, boned turk 
cream, coffee, bonbons, etc., at an afternoon rcccp 
tion, if one wish to do so. 

For the hostess to pour out tea at a very small 



AT AFTERXOOX TEA OR RECEPTION. 1 25 

It is not the Correct Thing 

According to the newest fashion, to put the day 
of the month and the hour in figures in an en- 
graved invitation. 

To have the rooms over or under heated. 

To give a handsome supper where the guests 
have been invited to afternoon tea. 

To give champagne or much wine of any sort at 
an afternoon tea. 

To use a low five-o'clock tea-table where a num- 
ber of guests are expected, thus obliging the hostess 
to jump up constantly to receive her friends, and 
sit down as often to pour out tea. 



To have tea poured out in the drawing-room 



126 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

and informal occasion, or at a larger one to depute 
her daughters or other young ladies to pour out tea 
and coffee in the dining-room or one of the parlors. 

To have the tea poured out in the kitchen if 
more convenient to do so, and to have it 
around on a waiter by a servant. 

To be sure that the simple refreshments are the 
very best of their kind, — using the u best of but- 
ter," tea of superior quality, accompanied by 
cut white sugar, and slices of lemon for thofl 
like tea made in Russian fashion ; also bn 
very thin and spread very daintily, with the crusts 
trimmed off. 

To have the tea and coffee kept hot by means of 
urns, with alcohol lamps beneath them. 

To serve iced tea in summer, accompanied with 
cream, or flavored with lemon. 

To remember that English breakfast tea is now 
the favorite and fashionable variety. 

To remember that cheap English breakfast tea 
is not fit to drink ; while cheap Oolong tea is some- 
times pretty good. 






AT AFTERNOON TEA OR RECEPTION. \2J 

It is not the Correct Thing 

when many persons are expected, because the ar- 
rangement would be an inconvenient one, and 
would crowd the guests. 

For guests to deposit their cups or plates in the 
drawing-room in a careless or awkward manner, 
setting them on varnished surfaces or on silken 
cloths, or too near the edge of a table, so that they 
will be likely to fall upon the floor. 

To use tea of an inferior quality. 

To use powdered or granulated sugar for the tea 
and coffee. 

To have the tea cold or lukewarm, or to have the 
boiled milk for the coffee only half warm. 

To have the tea " boiled," as this ruins its flavor. 

To use cheap baker's, or poor or stale home- 
made, cake. 

To give an afternoon tea (calling it by that 
name) , and provide coffee as the only drink, or to 
give a " kaffee-klatsch," and provide only tea. 

To make the tea with water which is not abso- 
lutely boiling at the moment when it is poured upon 
the tea-leaves. 



128 THE CORRECT Til IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to shake hands with her guests, 
and receive them with cordiality. 

For the hostess, at a large occasion, to have the 
assistance of other ladies in receiving her friends. 
These assistant hostesses should move about the 
rooms, entertaining the guests, asking them to go 
in and take some refreshment, and making the 
necessary introductions. 

For the hostess to remain near the door (but out 
of the draught) at a large reception, in order that 
the guests may find her easily. 

For the hostess to move about the rooms, at a 
small or informal occasion, conversing with her 
guests and attending to their wants. 

For the ladies who receive to wear a handsome 
demi-toilette, — made of silk, satin, velvet, or some 
pretty woollen material, cut down at the neck if the 
wearer choose, and light or dark in color. 

For ladies who are guests to wear plain tailor- 
made costumes, or handsome reception-dr, 
they prefer, taking off their outer wraps, or leaving 
them on, at will. 



AT AFTERXOOX TEA OR RECEPTION. I 29 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to be stiff and formal in her 
manner and greetings to her guests, since an after- 
noon tea is an informal occasion. 

For the hostess at a large reception to receive 
her friends without the assistance of some other 
person who can share the burden of hospitality with 
her. 

To invite guests to meet some distinguished per- 
son, and then neglect to introduce them to him. 

To introduce such a multitude of persons to a 
distinguished guest that he becomes wearied and 
confused. 

For the hostess to wear full evening-dress. 

For the guests to take off their bonnets when not 
specially invited to do so. 

For gentlemen to wear evening-dress at an after- 
noon occasion. 

For gentlemen to come into the drawing-room 
wearing their overcoats, or bringing their umbrellas 
with them. 

To go to a lady's house to a tea or to a card re- 
ception (that is, reception for which cards of invita- 
9 



130 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For gentlemen to wear morning-dress ; namely, 
black or dark frock-coat or cut-away, with high 
waistcoat to match, dark or gray trousers, and scarf 
or neck-tie. 

To provide a dressing-room for the ladies, — and 
for gentlemen also, when they are invited. 

To darken the windows and light the rooms by 
artificial light at a large and handsome reception, 
also to decorate the house with flowers, and to 
hire a band of musicians, if the hostess wish to 
do so. 

To remain at an afternoon reception half an hour, 
or longer, if one choose to do so, and find friends 
with whom to converse. 

To have a small informal dance succeed an after- 
noon tea or reception, notifying beforehand the 
guests who are to remain and take part in it, and 
perhaps asking others to remain, on the spur of the 
moment. 



A T AFTERXOOX TEA OR RECEPTIOX. I 3 I 

It is not the Correct Thing 

tion have been issued), when one has not been 
invited. 

To go to every one of a series of receptions for 
which one has received cards. Thus if Mrs. Brown 
send out cards for "Fridays in January," the same 
persons would not attend more than one or two of 
these receptions. 

To detain the hostess in conversation in such a 
way as to prevent her from attending to other 
guests. 

To handle costly bric-a-brac, or to finger curtains 
and scarves as if one were in an upholsterer's shop. 



132 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that lunch, or luncheon, is prima- 
rily an informal meal. 

For a hostess to set before her guests either a 
simple and informal, or elegant and expensi 
tertainment, just as her tastes incline her, or as the 
size and nature of the occasion would appear to 
demand. 

To remember that there is very little difference 
between a formal lunch-party and a dinner. 

On a ceremonious occasion, to set the table 
much as it would be arranged for a dinner, using 
lights if one wish to do so, also a profusion of flow- 
ers, silver, beautiful china and glass, and having 
the dishes served from the sideboard, and handed 
around by the servants. 

For the guests to enter the dining-room 
rately, instead of arm in arm, the ladies going first, 
and the gentlemen following them. 

For ladies to wear their bonnets or hats, and 
street or reception dress. 

To seat the guests at one large table, or at several 
little tables, at a large lunch -party. 



AT LUXCHEON. 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To invite people who are in the habit of dining 
in the middle of the day, to take lunch with you, — 
unless you provide something substantial for them 
to eat, such as meat or fish in some form. 

To have the dishes as substantial in character as 
they would be at a dinner-party. 

In the opinion of many people, to give ladies' 
luncheons, consisting of so many and such heavy 
courses as to cause the guests to have headaches 
on the following day. 

To have the floral arrangements as formal or as 
extensive as in the case of a dinner-party. 



For ladies and gentlemen to enter the dining- 
room arm in arm. 

For ladies or gentlemen to wear evening-dress 
or to keep their gloves on at table. 

To arrange small tables in such a way that the 
butler or waitress cannot conveniently pass around 
them to wait upon the guests. 



134 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For each plate or " cover " to be accompanied 
by two knives, two forks, one or two spoons, a 
water-goblet, and (where wine is given) a sherry 
glass and a claret glass. At an elaborate lunch, 
three knives and forks, a raw-oyster fork, etc., arc 
often used, also a champagne-glass. 

To fold the bread in the napkin, as at dinner. 

To have the first course consist of fruit or of 
raw oysters (or clams in summer), or of bouillon 
or chicken consomme served in cups set on plates, 
and accompanied with large teaspoons. 

To have wine set on table in decanters, or offered 
by the servants. Sherry and claret are the wines 
usually preferred. 

At a formal lunch to serve champagne, if one 
desire to do so, instead of claret and sherry. The 
champagne should be offered after the first dish 
has been served. 

To have tea and coffee served in the dining- 
room, if at all. 

To have tea or coffee, or both, poured out by the 
hostess at an informal occasion, or poured out in 



AT LUNCHEON. 1 35 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To use menu-cards. 

To serve bouillon in soup-plates at a formal lunch. 

To give many wines, especially at a ladies' lunch. 

For ladies who are unaccustomed to wine, to 
drink champagne, eat Roman punch, and finish off 
with a tiny glass of liqueur. A headache, or worse, 
may be the consequence. 

According to English custom, to use finger-bowls 
at luncheon, although they are often thus used in 
this country. 

To attempt to make any distinction between 
" lunch " and " luncheon," the words having be- 
come practically synonymous. 



According to English custom, to give tea or 
coffee at lunch. 

To have tea or coffee served in the drawing-room. 



136 THE CORRECT 71 i. 

It is the Correct Thing 

the kitchen and handed around in small cups on a 
waiter by the servant at a formal one. 

At an informal lunch to place the dessert on table 
in the first instance if one wish to do so, and to 
serve the vegetables from the sideboard, the hostess 
helping to the chops, cold meats, etc. 

To allow great latitude in the bill of fare at an 
informal occasion, — cold meats and salads, 
in various forms, croquettes, French cho] 
beefsteak, or omelette being especially suitable. 

To change the plates for dessert and for each 
course where there are several cot:: 

According to English custom, to have the ser- 
vants leave the dining-room at an informal lunch, 
after helping the guests to the joint, vegetables, and 
wine, leaving the host and hostess to help to the 
entrees and sweets. 

At an elegant lunch-party to provide bouquets 
for all the ladies, placing them either 
person's plate, or else gri ther so as to 

form a large centre-pi. 



AT LUNCHEON. 137 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To place vegetables on the table as they would 
be at dinner. 

For a person to take her leave before the lunch- 
eon is over, and while the guests are still sitting at 
table. This procedure has been called — with more 
wit than elegance — "to Grab, Gobble, and Go." 
As the duration of a lunch-party is very uncertain, 
however, a lady may sometimes be compelled to 
leave early, especially where she has been invited 
to an " informal lunch " which proves to be a 
formal one. 

For guests to remain long after luncheon, as the 
hostess may have other engagements. 

For a guest in her zeal for trophies to carry off 
cards or other decorations that the other ladies 
have omitted to take, or that are not intended for 
distribution. 



138 THE CORRECT THING 

' It is the Correct Thing 

To provide each guest with a bonbonniere or 
other pretty trifle if the hostess like to do so. 

To tie up the rolls or " pipe bread " with narrow, 
colored ribbon, and to serve straws instead of 
spoons for imbibing the Roman punch, if the 
hostess fancy this innovation. 

To use a colored or a white cloth, or one richly 
ornamented with drawn work and embroidery. 

To issue formal or informal invitations to lunch, 
according to the nature of the occasion. Usually, 
such invitations are written in the first person, or 
are given by word of mouth. 

For the guests to arrive punctually. 

To send word to the hostess at once, if prevented 
from going to a formal lunch-party, after having 
accepted the invitation. 

For the butler to wear dark morning-costume. 

For those who follow the last fashion to invite 
guests to late or French breakfast (dejeuner d hi 
fourehctte), which does not differ materially from 
our luncheon, taking place rather earlier, however, 
— say at twelve or one o'clock. 



AT L UNCHEOX. \ 3 9 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To introduce a novelty unsuited to the occasion 
simply because it is a novelty. 

To use a cloth which will not wash. 

For the hostess to be disappointed or troubled if 
her guests fail to do justice to an elaborate lunch, 
since " Banting " has recently become so popular 
that it bids fair to overthrow the elaborate and 
indigestible ladies' lunch. 

To delay in answering an invitation to a formal 
lunch, thus incommoding the hostess. 

To stay away from a formal lunch-party after 
accepting an invitation to attend one. 

For the butler to wear evening-dress (although 
it is often done). 

To talk gossip or scandal at a ladies' lunch party. 

To criticise, behind her back, the hostess who 
has been kind enough to entertain you, or to find 
fault with the entertainment itself. 



140 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the parents and other relatives of a young 
man to treat his fiancee with cordiality. 

For parents to remember that they were once 
young themselves, and that those birds who are not 
allowed to mate in youth, often do not mate at all. 

For a young girl to remember that the parents of 
h^T fiance may be very punctilious people, in which 
case they will certainly expeet her to follow the 
strict laws prescribed by etiquette for her behavior. 

For a young lady to go out to walk or drive in a 
quiet way after her wedding-cards have been issued. 
Formerly this would have been thought extremely 
improper j but public opinion is no longer so fool- 
ishly rigorous as it was forty years ago, when brides 
(that were to be) went abroad only after nightfall. 

For a young lady to drive alone with her fiance 
in frequented places, or on country roads with a 
groom or footman. 

For a young lady to write to all her intimate 
friends and tell them that her engagement will be 
announced on a certain near day, when her friends 
accordingly call, or send a congratulatory note. 



IN MARRIAGE-ENGAGEMENTS. 141 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the parents of a young woman to treat her 
fiance as if he were a robber chief who intended to 
break up their family and carry off the favorite of 
the flock. 

For the parents of young people who are engaged 
to allow the latter to do exactly as they please, 
without paying any attention to the laws laid down 
by etiquette for their behavior. 

For a young lady who wishes to adhere closely to 
the laws of etiquette to accept any invitations after 
her wedding-cards have been issued. 

For a young lady to travel alone with her fiance, 
or to stay at the same hotel with him. 

According to the strict rules of etiquette, for a 
young lady to go to theatres, concerts, or parties, 
alone with her fiance, or to drive alone with him 
in the evening, or on unfrequented roads. 

To ask the near relatives or intimate friends of 
persons who are reported to be engaged to be mar- 
ried whether such report be true ; thus causing said 
friends and relatives embarrassment, and perhaps 
making them tell a falsehood. 



142 THE CORRECT Til IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

This is a new and pleasant custom, although by 
no means a universal one. 

To call upon a young lady whose engagement 
is just announced, and send her flowers, or write 
her a congratulatory note. 

For a young man to present his fiancee with an 
engagement-ring, the price of which is suited to his 
worldly means. A diamond solitaire ring is usually 
preferred by young men of wealth. 

For a bride to write a note expressing her thanks 
to each person who has sent her a wedding-present. 
This should be done, without peradventure, either 
before or after the wedding. 

To congratulate a gentleman upon his engagement 
after it is formally announced. 

To remember that premature congratulations and 
untimely jokes have frightened more than one timid 
man out of his matrimonial intentions. 



IN MARRIAGE-ENGAGEMEXTS. 1 43 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To forget to write and announce one's marriage- 
engagement to the intimate friends of one's family, 
especially where these are elderly people. Deep 
offence is sometimes given by this omission. 

For a poor young man to present his fiancee with 
a diamond or other expensive ring, thus causing 
other people to make remarks upon his folly and 
extravagance. 

To fire off a congratulation at a young lady as if it 
were a shot out of a gun, showing more anxiety to 
perform your task than to spare the feelings of the 
young fiance'e, who may not relish being congratulated 
in such an inconsiderate manner. Thus it would 
not be polite to congratulate a young lady across 
the table at a large dinner-party. 



14^ THE CORRECT THING 



It is the Correct Thing 

For prospective brides to be moderate in their 
demands upon the paternal purse for the expenses 
of the trousseau and wedding. 

For the bride to name the wedding 

To have the invitations engraved on white 
paper of small size. 

To send invitations to all the friends of the fam- 
ilies of both bride and groom, in the case of a large 
church-wedding. 

To invite only relatives and a limited num 
friends to a house-weddin 

or to invite all one's acquaintance if one's house be 
sufficiently large. 

To issue wedding-invitations in the name of the 
bride's father and mother ; the cards of the bride 
and groom elect are sometimes enclosed, but not as 
often as they formerly were. 

For the bridegroom's family to make out a list of 
the persons whom they wish to have invited. 

To send out supplementary ( ards announcing the 
marriage, in cases where only a limited num 
persons have been invited to the wedding. 



FOR A WEDDING. 1 45 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To celebrate a wedding with a parade and show 
that are out of proportion to one's means. 

For a bride to overtask her strength in preparing 
the various articles of her trousseau, or for her to 
over-weary herself by innumerable shopping expe- 
ditions and long visits to the dressmaker and mil- 
liner. Many a bride comes to the altar looking 
thin, pale, and miserable from these causes, — thus 
destroying the very object that she has in view; 
namely, that of looking her prettiest as a bride. 

To omit to invite any relative to a wedding, 
whether one be intimate with him or not. 

For friends to take offence because they are not 
all invited to a small house-wedding. 

To put "no cards " in the newspaper announce- 
ment of a wedding. 

To tie up wedding-cards with white ribbon, — 
this custom having gone out of fashion. 



146 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the family of the bride to pay for the wedding- 
cards, the bride's trousseau, and the expenses of the 
wedding and reception. 

For the bridegroom to pay the clergyman's fee 
and provide the wedding-ring and the bride's bou- 
quet, also a wedding-present for the bride. 

For the bridegroom to give scarf-pins or other 
little gifts to the ushers, and for the bride to give 
bouquets or some little trinkets to the bridesmaids. 
The bridegroom sometimes gives the present to the 
latter, or the bride may, if she please, provide the 
presents for the ushers. 

To answer an invitation to "a sit-down " wedding- 
breakfast or to a small house-wedding. 

For those who live at a distance, or who for any 
reason are not able to attend a wedding, to enclose 
their cards to the bride's father and mother, or the 
person in whose name the invitations are given, send- 
ing them so that they will arrive on the wedding-day. 

Where there is to be a reception after a church- 
wedding, to enclose cards for the reception in the 
same envelope with those for the church. 



FOR A WEDDING. 1 47 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For the bridegroom or best man to forget to fee 
the officiating clergyman. (The fee which the law- 
awards the latter for performing the marriage-cere- 
mony is a very small one \ custom has therefore de- 
creed that the bridegroom shall pay to the clergyman 
a sum of money in proportion to his means.) 

In Massachusetts, and some other States, for the 
bridegroom to forget to obtain a wedding-license 
in due season, since he cannot be married without 
one. 

To send answers to invitations to a church-wed- 
ding or to a large wedding-reception where no 
answer is requested. 

To send an answer to a wedding-invitation to the 
bride or to the bridegroom's family because one 
does not happen to know those persons in whose 
name the invitation is sent. 

To feel hurt because one is not invited to a wed- 
ding-reception if one have received cards for the 



148 THE CORRECT THING 

It is tliG Correct Thing 

To have from two to six or eight bridesmaids, 
chosen from the near relatives of the bride and 
groom, and from the bride's intimate friends. (A 
maid of honor, so-called, is a novel feature in wed- 
ding processions. Except in name, however, and 
in the fact that she walks alone, a maid of honor is 
virtually a first bridesmaid.) 

For the bridesmaids to wear white or light colors, 
and bonnets, hats, or short veils, if they choose, their 
costume being decided upon by the bride. 

For the " best man " to accompany the bride- 
groom to the church, to stand at his right hand, 
and a little behind him during the ceremoi 
ministering moral support if nee hold his 

hat, fee the clergyman, and assist the ushers in 
presenting guests at the wedding-reception. 

For the bridegroom and all the gentlemen at a 
morning wedding to wear morning-dress. 

For the bridegroom to drive to church with his 
best man, and wait for the bride at the altar. 

For the ushers to be at church in good - 
and for them to place a ribbon or an arch of 



FOR A WEDDING. 1 49 

It is not the Correct Thing 

ceremony in the church, or if one receive supple- 
mentary cards announcing the marriage. 

For a married woman to act as bridesmaid. 

To have the bridesmaids follow the bride. 

To have the bridesmaids dressed in sombre colors 
or heavy materials. 

According to the present fashion, to have grooms- 
men at a wedding. 



For the best man to drive away from the church 
in the carriage with the bride and groom. 

For a bridegroom to wear white gloves or even- 
ing-dress at a morning wedding. 

For a bridegroom to wear morning-dress (that is, 
frock or cutaway coat) at an evening wedding. 

For a bridegroom to wear a white necktie at a 
morning wedding, — unless it be in summer. 

For the bride and bridegroom to drive to church 
in the same carriage. 



77//-: CORRECT T777XG 



It is the Correct Thing 

across the church in such a way as to reserve plenty 
of room for the invited guests. 

For the ushers to escort the wedding-guests to 
their seats, placing the relatives of the groom on the 
right of the altar, — that is, next the bridegroom, 
— and those of the bride on the left, the near rela- 
tives sitting in the seats nearest to the altar. 

At a church-wedding, for the ushers to ask guests 
whether they are relatives, and if so, whether of 
the bride or groom. 

For the mother of the bride to come in shortly 
before the bridal cortege, escorted by some near 
relative or one of the ushers, and take her seat in 
the front pew. 

When the wedding-procession enters the church, 
to have the ushers go up the aisle in pairs, followed 
by the bridesmaids in pairs. The bride comes last, 
leaning on the right arm of her father or nearest 
and eldest male relative. 

For the procession to divide when it reaches the 
altar, half the ushers and bridesmaids turning to the 
right, and the other half to the left. 



FOR A WEDDIXG. 151 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For persons who are not invited guests to press 
forward at a church-wedding and take the seats 
that have been reserved for the friends of the 
bridal party. 

For the ushers to allow invited guests or other 
persons to take seats not intended for their use. 

For the mother of the bride to form a part of 
the bridal cortege. 

To have the wedding-procession go up the aisle 
of the church in a straggling manner, some of the 
couples walking fast, and others going slowly. 



152 THE CORRECT TIE' 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the bridegroom to advance when the bride 
has come near to the altar, and lead her before 
it, taking her right hand. 

According to the new custom, for the father to 
"give away the bride" by bowing at the proper 
time in the service. 

For the father to stand a little behind the bride, 
and take his seat beside the bride's mother after 
he has performed his part of the sen-ice. 

For the first bridesmaid, or the maid of honor, to 
stand near the bride, hold her bouquet during the 
ceremony, and assist her, if necessary, in removing 
her left glove, — although it is now usual for brides 
to have the ring-finger of the glove cut oil, so that 
it can be readily removed, without taking off the 
whole glove. 

For the bridal couple to go down the aisle first, 
the bride taking the groom's left arm. They then 
leave the church immediately. 

For the rest of the bridal procession to leave the 
church in the inverse order from that in whii 
entered it. 



FOR A WEDDIXG. I 53 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the bride to be late in arriving at the church. 

For the clergyman to kiss the bride, — although 
it was formerly customary for him to do so. 

For the bridegroom to provide a wedding-ring 
that is so large as to look vulgar. 

For the bridegroom to forget to bring the ring, 
or for him to drop it on the floor. 

For the bride to bow and smile, or look at 
people, as she enters or leaves the church. 

For the bride to wear a decollete costume at a 
wedding in a Roman Catholic church. 

For the bride to scold the spectators in or 
around the entrance of the church, even should 
they be so thoughtless as to crowd about her in a 
disagreeable manner. 



154 THE CORRECT Til IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

For half the bridesmaids to stand near the bride, 
and the other half near the groom, at a wedding- 
reception. 

For the ushers to remain near the door of the 
drawing-room at a wedding-reception, escorting the 
guests as fast as they arrive, to the bridal party, 
presenting them by name to the bride and groom, 
and then to the parents. 

For the ushers to see that all the ladies are pro- 
vided with refreshments. 

For the bride to retire from the reception after an 
hour and a half or more, and put on her travelling- 
dress, intimate friends and relatives remaining to see 
her departure. 

For a bride to dance a square dance, if she wish 
to do so, at her own wedding, although usually she 
does not dance at all. 

To exhibit the presents privately to intimate 
friends before or after the wedding. 

For the friends of the groom to give presents to 
him as well as to the bride, if they wish to do so. 

To give articles of silver or jewelry, pictures, fine 



FOR A WEDDING. 1 55 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For enthusiastic friends to throw old shoes with 
such force as to break the carriage windows or 
frighten the horses. 



For a bride to dance waltzes or other round 
dances, or to dance much at her own wedding. 

In the opinion of many persons, to exhibit the 
wedding-presents- on the day of the marriage ; the 
custom of doing so has been largely abandoned, 
because it had led to an ostentatious display of 
wealth and a rivalry in the purchase of expensive 
gifts which threatened to vulgarize the sending of 



156 THE CORRECT TUr 

It is the Correct Thing 

engravings, bric-a-brac, handsome lamps, books, 
china or glass ware, or other articles of ornament 
to a bride, marked (if at all) with her maiden name 
or initials. 

To remember that articles of the giver's own 
handiwork are appropriate and acceptable wedding- 
gifts, however simple they may be, since they show 
a real sentiment. 

Where the wedding-cake is in boxes, to have the 
latter piled on a table at the reception, tl. 
guest may take a box away with him. 

For a bride to be married in travelling-dre 
to omit the reception if she wish, inviting all her 
friends or only a very few persons to the church. 

To be married in the morning rather than the 
evening, though some persons still prefer the latter. 

At a house-wedding for the clergyman I 
first and face the company, the bridal pair entering 
together and facing him. Alter the ceremony il 
over, the clergyman retires, and the bridal couple 
turn round in their places and receive their friends, 
near relatives and very dear friends kissing the bride. 



FOR A WEDDIXG. 1 57 

It is not the Correct Thing 

wedding-presents, and to change into a mere mer- 
cenary matter that which should be an affair of real 
sentiment. 

To give presents to the groom instead of to the 
bride. 

To have wedding-presents marked with the bride's 
future name or initials, as this is considered unlucky. 

To send out boxes of wedding-cake to all one's 
acquaintance. 

For a guest at a reception to take more than one 
box of cake, unless requested to do so. 

For the guests to drink too much wine at a wed- 
ding reception, as young men, and perhaps others, 
sometimes do. 

To make a house-wedding as formal as one that 
takes place at church. Best man and bridesmaids 
do not often appear at the former. 

According to modern custom, for the guests in 
general to kiss the bride. 



158 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a widow to wear a light- colored silk or a 
travelling-dress and bonnet on the occasion of her 
second marriage. 

For the bride to drop her middle name and retain 
her family name in its place, if she wish to do so. 

For a young married couple to hold one or two 
receptions after the marriage, or for the bride to 
issue cards for one or more afternoon teas, or for 
the parents of the bride or groom to give a reception 
in honor of the young couple. 

For those who have been invited to a wedding to 
entertain the bridal pair in the course of the ensuing 
season. 

For those who choose to do so, to omit the wed- 
ding-tour, and to make the retirement of the 
honeymoon extremely short. 

To word the announcement of a marriage in this 
way : Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Newcome announce 
the marriage of their daughter Mary Louisa to 
Mr. Timothy Titcomb, on Friday morning, October 
eighteenth, at Trinity Church, New York. 



FOR A WEDDIXG. I 59 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a widow to continue to wear her first wed- 
ding-ring after her second marriage. 

For a widow to wear a bridal veil, orange-blossoms, 
or white attire at her second marriage. 

To expect that newly married people will entertain 
extensively or expensively. 

For a bride to wear her bridal veil or orange- 
blossoms on any occasion subsequent to her mar- 
riage. 

To neglect either to call upon a bride and her 
parents, or to send cards in acknowledgment of the 
receipt of a wedding-announcement. 



For a bride to neglect to return promptly the calls 
made upon her, especially where she is living among 
those who are strangers to her. 

To word the announcement of a marriage like a 
wedding-notice in a newspaper. 



l6o THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear a costume appropriate to the occasion. 

To make the expenditure for one's clothing pro- 
portionate to one's income. 

To dress becomingly. 

To avoid wearing showy or striking costumes, 
especially in the street. 

To dress in such a way that the clothes appear of 
less consequence than the wearer. 

To remember that each material has its own ap- 
propriate and proper style. 

To remember that a dress which is intended to do 
long and constant service should be of a color that 
does not soil readily, and should be made plainly. 
Elaborate trimmings soon become shabby. 

To remember that it is far more desirable to have 
a dress made to fit the figure of the wearer, and the 
draperies made to hang in a graceful manner, than 
to have elaborate trimmings upon one's gown. 

To remember that it is for the interest of the 
dressmaker to make a costume as elaborate as 
possible, and for the interest of the client to prune 
the exuberant fancy of the tailor. 



IN MATTERS OF DRESS. l6l 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To appear in a costume which is more or less 
handsome than the occasion warrants. To do the 
former seems to show an undue vanity ; to do the 
latter implies a lack of respect for the hostess and 
her guests. 

To carry all one's worldly possessions on one's 
back, like a snail. No one who dresses more 
expensively than he can afford is respected for 
doing so. 

To imitate the style and make-up of a Worth 
costume in a home-made calico dress. The style 
which is appropriate to a silk dress is not usually 
suitable for a cheap material. 

To put handsome and expensive trimmings on a 
cheap material. 



To be the blind slave of any dressmaker or tailor. 



1 62 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that a woman who is pinched in 
at the waist with tight corsets, throttled around the 
neck with a tight collar, and cramped as to her 
feet with tight, high-heeled shoes, will walk about 
as gracefully as a swan on a turnpike-road. 

To remember that grace is more pleasing than 
beauty. 

For every woman who can afford it to have a 
full-length mirror, in which she can see her whole 
figure at once. 

To consider carefully what colors, styles, and 
materials are suitable and becoming to the figure, 
height, age, and complexion of the person who is 
going to wear them. 

To remember that a person who has not a good 
figure should endeavor to dress in such a 
to soften its defects rather than to display them. 

To remember that a tall woman should never 
wear a long, plain skirt, especially if she have a 
short waist. The lines of the skirt should be 
broken by drapery or trimming in order to make 
them appear shorter. 



IN MATTERS OF DRESS. 1 63 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To endeavor to make over the human form divine 
into a poor imitation of a very inferior animal, — the 
wasp. 

To sacrifice ease, comfort, health, and beauty to 
the momentary demand of an ugly and unbecoming 
fashion. 

To study the effect of a costume in front only, 
forgetting to take into consideration the side and 
rear views of the same. 

For a tall woman to copy the dress of a short 
one, a fat woman that of a thin one, a pale woman 
that of a florid one, — in a word, for any person 
thoughtlessly to imitate the dress of another, the 
style of which may be wholly unsuited to the 
imitator. 

For people with ugly, angular, and high-shoul- 
dered or very stout figures to display them without 
any effort at softening or concealment. 

For women with arms like drum-sticks to wear 
skin-tight sleeves. 

For a very tall, slender woman to wear a broad, 
flaring round hat, or a very high hat. 



1 64 THE CORRECT TIIIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a short woman to make the lines of the skirt 
as long as possible ; to produce this effect the trim- 
ming should be placed up and down the breadths 
instead of across them, or put near the bottom 
of the dress. A short person should also avoid 
basques, except very short ones. 

For a very stout person to wear dark colors (which 
make one look smaller), and fine, closely- woven 
materials. 

To remember that good, well-fitting gloves and 
shoes, and a fresh hat or bonnet, are very impor- 
tant items in one's costume. 

To take off one's gloves at a dinner, luncheon, 
or breakfast party, or at any "sit-down " meal. 

To wear garments that harmonize with one an- 
other in color and style, as well as in quality. 

To dress in a style suited to one's age. 

To remember that a person's age is shown by 
the lines about the throat and neck, and that bon- 
nets with strings fastening under the chin are there- 
fore more becoming to middle-aged or elderly women 
than round hats or stringless bonnets. 



IN MATTERS OF DRESS. 1 65 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a short woman to wear much trimming on a 
skirt, thus making her height appear less than it 
really is. 

For a small person to wear large plaids or broad 
stripes. 

For a tall woman to wear a short dress. 

For a short-waisted woman to wear a belt. 

For a very stout person to wear loose rough 
cloth, which makes the wearer look larger than she 
really is. 

To wear boots, gloves, or any garment from 
which one or more buttons are missing. 

To take off one's gloves at a ball-supper, after- 
noon tea, or at any " stand-up " collation. 

To wear a very handsome and expensive bonnet 
with a cheap dress or mantle. 

To wear when one is forty years of age the colors 
which were becoming at sixteen, forgetting that the 
tints of the complexion necessarily change as one 
grows older. 



1 66 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For middle-aged or elderly women to wear soft 
and becoming colors, and to remember that while 
beauty may be denied to them, they should never- 
theless be able to present a tasteful and harmo- 
nious, and therefore agreeable, appearance. 

To use a very little perfume of the best quality, 
if one desire to do so. 

To use white face-powder with a very sparing 
hand, if one be minded to do so. Many people do 
not approve of the use of powder, but it is not thought 
to be in " bad form," like the use of rouge. 

For gentlemen to wear evening-dress at a late 
dinner, and in the evening at home or when calling. 

For gentlemen always to wear a narrow tie of white 
lawn or some similar material with evening-dress. 

To remember that clean linen covers a multitude 
of sins, and that a linen collar should never see a 
second sun. 

To remember that it is now extremely fashionable 
to have clean, soft, and well-cared-for hands and 
nails, and to employ a manicure, or be oik 
manicure. 



IN MATTERS OF DRESS. l6? 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For middle-aged or elderly women to suppose 
that no one cares how they look, and to cease to 
pay any attention to the aesthetics of dress. 

To use hair-oil of any description. 

To use a quantity of perfumery. 

To dye the hair of a golden color, or to use red, 
black, or white paint. 

To dress in a loud, fast, or flashy style. 

For a gentleman, under any circumstances, to 
wear evening-dress before the hour for late dinner. 

For a gentleman to wear a white satin cravat or 
tie at any time or place. 

For a gentleman to wear white cravats or ties in 
winter, except with evening-dress. 

To wear any clothing that is soiled, but especially 
soiled collars or cuffs. The sight of these is pecu- 
liarly offensive to fastidious people. 

To economize in the matter of fresh pocket- 
handkerchiefs. 



1 68 THE CORRECT TIILXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To return the salutations of all who greet you, 
servants and tradespeople included. 

To move the whole head, and not the eyebrows 
alone, when making a bow. 

To bow in a courteous as well as decided manner. 

To bow respectfully to an elder or a superior. 

To bow once only to the same person on a pub- 
lic drive or promenade where people constantly 
pass and repass each other. 

To keep to the right, as the law directs. 

To refrain from staring at the passers-by, good- 
looking or the reverse. 

When in doubt, to apply to a policeman for any 
necessary directions. 

To be dressed tastefully, but in a quiet and simple 
manner. 

For a gentleman to turn aside for a lady whom 
he meets when crossing, etc, and for a younger 
person to give the path to an older one. 



IN THE STREET. 1 69 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To " cut " any person, unless for very grave 
causes. 

To nod in a familiar manner, unless it be to an 
intimate friend. 

To turn and look after any one who has passed by. 

To obstruct the sidewalk by standing and talking 
in the middle of it. 

To gaze up into the sky or down into the gutter, 
and in consequence run against other pedestrians. 

For three or four persons to walk abreast in a 
crowded street, thus inconveniencing other people. 

To carry a cane, umbrella, or other object so that 
it will rest in the small of your neighbor's back. 

To call to another person on the opposite side of 
the street. 

To be dressed in a showy manner, or in a way 
calculated to attract special attention. 

To talk or laugh loud. 

To eat candy, peanuts, or anything else. 

To wear much jewelry. A lady should wear 
neither bracelet nor necklace when walking in the 
street, 



I/O THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 
For a Lady 
To take a gentleman's arm in the evening, unless 
her hands should be fully occupied with her muff, 
or in holding up her dress. 
To bow first to a gentleman. 
Where two ladies are under the escort of one 
gentleman, for one of them only to take his arm, 
the other lady walking by her side. 



For a Gentleman 

To offer his arm to a lady whom he is escorting 
in the evening. 

To offer his arm to an elderly or infirm lady at 
any time when he is walking with her. 

To offer his arm to a lady when the street or 
road is slippery, when they are passing through a 
crowd, or wherever it may be necessary to do so 
for her protection or support. 



IN THE STREET. 171 

It is not the Correct Thing 
For a Lady 

To wear a breastpin on a coat or other outside 
garment. 

To take a gentleman's arm in the day-time, un- 
less it be in a crowded thoroughfare, on a slippery 
pavement, or under any other circumstances where 
it may be necessary for protection or support. 

For two ladies to take each an arm of the same 
gentleman. 

For one lady to take the arms of two gentlemen, 
unless she be learning to skate. 

For a Gentleman 

To allow a lady with whom he is walking, to be 
jostled by the elbows of the passers-by. 

To allow a lady to pick up a parcel which she 
has dropped, without making any effort to assist 
her. 



172 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a Gentleman 

To take the curbstone side of the street when 
walking with a lady, — or 

To take the left side in a crowded thoroughfare, 
that he may shield the lady from the elbows of the 
passers-by. 

When walking with a lady, to carry all her parcels, 
especially if they be heavy ones. 

If he wish to speak to a lady, to ask her permis- 
sion to turn round and walk with her in the direc- 
tion in which she is going. 

To raise his hat, — 
First, When he bows to a lady or an elderly 

gentleman. 
Second, When he is with a lady who bows to any 
person, even if such person be a total stranger 
to him. 
Third, When he salutes a gentleman who is in the 

company of ladies. 
Fourth, When he is in the company of another 
gentleman who bows to a lady. 



IN THE STREET. 1 73 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a Gentleman 

To keep a lady standing in the street while he 
talks with her. 

To bow first to a lady. 

To cut a lady under any circumstances. 

To keep his hands in his pockets, especially if he 
is about to bow to a lady. 

To neglect to apologize if he has by accident 
stepped upon a lady's dress, or brushed against her, 
in passing by. 

To put letters or parcels in his hat, — since they 
will be liable to drop out when he removes it. 

To use profane language, especially within the 
hearing of ladies. 

To be unduly quarrelsome, or to take offence 
unnecessarily at some imaginary insult to the ladies 
under his escort ; since such conduct would bring 
the latter into a publicity most distasteful to women 
of refinement. 

To smoke in a frequented thoroughfare or 
promenade. 



174 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

Fifth, When he is with a lady and meets a gentle- 
man whom he knows. 
Sixth, When he offers any civility to a lady who 

is a stranger to him. 
Seventh, When he parts with a lady, after speaking 
to her, or after driving or walking with her, etc. 

To remove his hat with his left hand when bow- 
ing to a lady who will be likely to shake hands with 
him ; otherwise. — 

To remove it with the hand farthest from her. 

To keep his hat on in a shop, at the entrance of 
a theatre, or in the corridors of a hotel, if he wish 
to do so. 

To take off his hat when he enters a private 
office. 

When escorting a lady to her house, to wait until 
she is admitted before taking his departure 

To throw away his cigar, or at least remove it 
from his mouth, when bowing to a lady. 



IN THE STREET. 1 75 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To smoke while walking, riding, or driving with 
a lady, or while speaking to her in the street. 



To keep his hat on in an elevator where there 
are ladies, or in the upper or more private corridors 
of a hotel, apartment, house, or theatre. 



To leave a lady whom he is escorting at the foot 
of the steps of her house. It would be especially 
impolite for him to do so in the evening. 

To keep a cigar in his mouth when bowing to a 
lady. 

To hold a cigar in his hand when talking with a 
lady, unless he apologize for doing so. 



176 THE CORRECT Til IXC 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be well dressed, in garments of quiet col- 
ors, and made of woollen or some other suitable 
material. 

To remember that travelling is one of the sever- 
est tests of good breeding, and that a gentleman 
who is worthy of the name will behave as well 
abroad as at home. 

If one bring his own luncheon, to have it neatly 
put up in a napkin, and to have the food arranged 
so that it can be eaten conveniently and with 
nicety. 

To be very careful in carrying bundles and um- 
brellas through a crowded car; to hold them in 
such a way that they will not discommode one's 
fellow-passengers. 

For a lady to carry as little luggage by hand as 
possible, especially when travelling with a gentleman. 

To have one's trunk marked with the owner's 
name. 

To refrain from swearing at the employes of a 
railroad, and from quarrelling with them. 

To attend to the checking of one's own luj 



WHEN TRAVELLING. 1 77 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be dressed in a showy manner, or to wear 
garments of light and delicate colors, or made of 
rich materials. 

To think that any clothes, no matter how shabby 
they may be, are good enough to wear while one is 
travelling. 

To assume airs of superiority over one's fellow- 
travellers, or to talk for their benefit. 

To talk or laugh loud, or to giggle. 

To eat at short and frequent intervals during a 
journey, or to leave the debris of one's food on the 
window-ledge, seat, or floor of the car or boat. 

To carry band-boxes, bird-cages, newspaper bun- 
dles, growing plants, more than o?ie basket, or nu- 
merous packages of any sort. 

For ladies travelling with gentlemen to annoy the 
latter with unpunctuality, or unreasonable and unne- 
cessary requests, or for gentlemen to " harry " those 
under their charge by constantly worrying lest they 
should lose the train. 



178 THE CORRECT TIE 

It is the Correct Thing 

or to go with the person who does so, in order to 
avoid the possibility of mistak . 

For a gentleman to offer to attend to a lady's 
luggage, leaving her meantime in the ladies' room. 

For a gentleman to buy the tickets and a 
checking the luggage of a lady who is under his 
charge ; he should also give her her choice of seats, 
put her bundles in the rack, offer to get her re- 
freshments, newspapers, or books, and ask her, in 
the course of a journey of several hours, whether 
she would not like to walk up and down the plat- 
form at the stations. 

For a lady to repay a gentleman for her travel- 
ling expenses. 

For a young lady, or an inexperienced one, to 
have her friends meet her in the station at the end 
of a railroad journey. 

For a gentleman to accompany to her final desti- 
nation a young or inexperienced woman who is 
under his charge, where no friend comes to meet 
her at the dock or station ; he should do the same 
thing for an elderly woman, if the hour of arrival be 



WHEN TRAVELLING. 1 79 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a gentleman to leave a lady standing alone in 
a crowded station while he attends to her luggage. 

To insist upon being at each station an hour 
before the train or boat starts. 

For men who can read the sign " Ladies' Cabin," 
calmly to take their seats in a part of the ferry-boat 
which does not belong to them, allowing the right- 
ful occupants to stand up. 



For a young lady travelling alone to take a hack 
at a railroad-station in New York or any other large 
city with which she is not thoroughly acquainted. 

To expect a gentleman, other than an intimate 
friend, to accompany a lady who has been casually 
put under his charge, beyond the railroad-station at 
the end of her journey. 

For women to consider that their privileges are 



l80 THE CORRECT Tff/XG 

It is the Correct Thing 

late at night, or if any other circumstance render it 
unfit for her to travel without his protection. 

For a gentleman to offer to help a lady who ap- 
pears to be in need of assistance, even though 
she be a stranger to him. Thus if a lady should be 
burdened with many packages, or should have sev- 
eral children under her care, it might be difficult for 
her to change cars, or go on shore from a steam- 
boat, alone and unaided. 

For a gentleman to offer to open or shut the 
window for any lady. 

For married or elderly ladies who are making a 
long journey, to converse with their fellow-travellers 
in moderation, — if this should be agreeable to both 
parties. 

For one gentleman to talk with another who is 
a stranger to him, if this be mutually agreeable. 

To remember that the reporter also travelleth, 
and to be wary of what one says to strangers. 

To remember that, in ordinary cases, a travelling 
acquaintance is considered to end with th 
journey. 



WHEN TRAVELLING. I Si 

It is not the Correct Thing 

their rights, or to forget to bow graciously and 
thank courteously and audibly any one who may 
have shown them any politeness. 

To force your conversation upon any one who 
evidently does not desire to hear it. 

To talk about one's own private affairs, or those 
of anybody else, with a stranger. 

For gentlemen (?) to try to enter into conversa- 
tion with young ladies who are unknown to them. 

For young ladies to enter into conversation with 
or accept favors from strangers, especially if these 
be young men. 

To be on familiar terms with one's fellow-passen- 
gers on a sea-voyage or a long overland journey, 
and then treat them as strangers at a subsequent 
meeting. 

To weary a travelling companion with a constant 
and uninterrupted flow of conversation. 

To call upon a person whom one has met in 
travelling, unless specially invited to do so. 

To sit down in the same seat with a stranger in a 
railroad-car without any preface or apology. It is 



77 IE CORRECT 77 I IXC, 



It is the Correct Thing 

To reply politely if any one speak to you. 

To ask a person sitting in the same seat with 
yourself if he would like to look at your newspaper. 

To read part of the time, when travelling in com- 
pany with another person, after having offered him 
(or her) a book or paper. 

In a railway-carriage, to ask a person whether 
the vacant half of his seat be engaged, before sitting 
down in it. 

To turn over a car-scat (which has been reversed 
to form a resting-place for bundles, etc.) where it is 
the only unoccupied one in the car, after inquiring 
politely whether it be engaged or not. 

For a gentleman to offer his seat to a lady who 
is standing in a railway-carriage. It may not per- 
haps be considered obligatory to do this, but it 
would certainly be polite. 

To wait till the passengers who wish to leave 
have had a chance to get off a train, boat, or 
horse-car, before attempting to get on board one's 
self. 

To behave at a hotel-table as one would at a 



WHEN TRAVELLING. 1 83 

It is not the Correct Thing. 

especially rude for a gentleman to treat a lady in 
this way. 

To expect to take up more than one place in a 
seat when the car is full, or to turn over a seat and 
then look daggers at a person who dares to take an 
unoccupied place in it. 

To intrude one's self on a party of people who 
have turned over a seat, when there are other vacant 
places in the same car. 

To put one's feet on the seats. 

For a person, not the owner of an accident-pol- 
icy, to put his head, arms, or feet out of the car- 
window. 

To crush or crowd or jostle against people in 
getting on or off cars or ferry-boats. 

To imagine that it is necessary to eat everything 
within reach at a table d'hote dinner, in order to 
get one's money's worth. 

To sing or talk loud on the deck of a steamboat, 
or outside the staterooms, after the rest of the pas- 
sengers have gone to bed. 

To scream or shriek or behave with selfishness 



1 84 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

table in a private house; that is, in a quiet and 

gentlemanly or lady-like manner. 

To say " sir," or " madam," when speaking to or 
thanking a stranger. 

To remember that the world is very small, and 
that it is very unsafe to behave ill in a foreign coun- 
try, imagining that the news of one's behavior will 
never reach home. 

To be quiet and courageous in the presence of 
danger. 

To remember that the partition-walls on steamers 
and ships, and even in hotels, are very thin, and 
to avoid reciting one's family history loud enough 
for the occupant of the next stateroom or chamber 
to hear it. 

To accept cheerfully the small, inevitable ills of 
any unpleasant situation. 

To keep the American eagle very quiet when one 
is travelling in foreign countries. 

To remember that swearing at foreign officials is 
a dangerous game, and that those who play at it 
often find themselves in prison. 



WHEN TRAVELLING. 185 

It is not the Correct Thing 

or brutality in time of clanger, or to imagine that 
all women are cowards, and all men brave. 

To take a chair which another person has just 
vacated, without waiting to see whether he means 
to return to it. 

To grumble constantly at the accommodations 
for travellers, or at the lack of the same. 

To say, in case of a slight squall at sea, " Captain, 
is there any hope left ? " 

To make unfavorable comparisons between one's 
own town or country and the locality where one 
happens to be. 

To instruct the ignorant foreigner about his own 
country or customs, since he probably will not value 
the information. 

To treat the natives of a foreign country in a 
condescending or supercilious manner. 

To ask acquaintances, or persons who are not 
one's intimate friends, to execute commissions while 
they are travelling in Europe or elsewhere. 



1 86 THE CORRECT Til IX G 

It is the Correct Thing 

To show proper respect to the worshippers when 
one is within the precincts of any religious edifice, 
taking off one's hat, moving about quietly, if at all, 
and avoiding anything that might offend the belief 
or prejudices of others. 

To tell the truth at the custom-house. 

To remember that the traveller is the natural 
prey of the landlord. 

To ask one's relatives or intimate friends when 
they are about to visit other cities or countries if 
they can conveniently execute a few small commis- 
sions, and to give them the money therefor. 

To remember that it is neither customary nor 
safe for a lady to walk abroad alone in the cities 
of Continental Europe. 

For older ladies to give friendly advice, in a 
kindly spirit, to young ladies travelling alone, if 
they see occasion for so do;: 

To remember that those who are in the seat be- 
hind, feel the draught from an open window more 
strongly than the person who is sitting beside it. 



WHEN TRAVELLING. 1 87 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To talk out loud, or (for a gentleman) to keep 
his hat on in a religious edifice. 

To smoke in cars or in public places in the pres- 
ence of ladies. 

To spit on the floors of public conveyances, 
waiting-rooms, railway- stations, etc. 

To open a window in a railroad- car without ask- 
ing those who are sitting within reach of the draught 
whether they object to it. 

To ask any one to execute a shopping commis- 
sion abroad without giving him the money necessary 
to pay for it. 

To leave the door of a railroad-car open. 

For commuters to occupy an entire seat for each 
person, allowing parties of ladies to look in vain 
for an unoccupied seat, and not offering them a 
chance to sit together. 

To be disobliging in the smoking-car, preventing 
other men from playing whist because one is too 
selfish to change his seat. 

To accept a " light " from another passenger, and 
omit to thank him for this or any other civility. 



1 88 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman who wishes to surrender his seat 
to a lady to rise before making the offer, and make 
it in a courteous manner. 

For a gentleman to give up his seat to a lady. 

For a lady to bow courteously to a gentleman 
who offers her his seat, at the same time thanking 
him audibly. 

For all passengers to be prompt and obliging 
about moving up and making room for other 
persons. 

For a gentleman to offer to pass up the ladies' 
fares in a car or stage where there is no conductor. 

For a lady who feels ill, or very much fatigued, 
to say courteously to a gentleman that she does not 
feel at all well, and ask whether he will be so kind 
as to give her his seat for this reason. 

To avoid crowding or pushing against other per- 
sons, or sitting on their clothing, when one takes 
a seat. 

For gentlemen to get off the steps of a crowded 
horse-car platform when a lady is about to leave 
the car. 



WHEN TRAVELLING IN HORSE-CARS. 1 89 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman who wishes to offer a lady his 
seat, to sit still and beckon to her to approach. 

For a gentleman to remain seated while an old 
or lame woman, or a woman with a baby in her 
arms, stands up. 

For a lady to seem in any way to demand the 
seat occupied by a gentleman, or to hint that he 
ought to vacate it. 

For a gentleman to take a seat that has been 
vacated, while there are ladies standing up. 

For passengers to sit sidewise, or take up more 
than their fair share of the seat, in a crowded car. 

For a young and strong woman to expect an 
elderly man to give her his seat. 



To tread on other people's feet, or deposit bas- 
kets or bundles on them. 

For gentlemen to remain standing on the plat- 
form in such a way that a lady will be obliged to 
crowd past them in order to get off the car. 



190 THE CORRECT Til IXC. 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that " time is money" to some one, 
if not to yourself. 

To remember that " short accounts make long 
friends." 

To remember that Professor Webster murdered 
Dr. Parkman because the latter dunned him so 
persistently. 

To make an agreement as to all particulars when- 
ever it is possible to do so before closing a trans- 
action. 

To remember that a contract can be broken only 
by consent of both, or all, the parties to it. 

To remember that the solvent debtors pay in 
reality for the bad debts of a firm. 

To remember that one failure makes many. 

To be righteously indignant if a bill which has 
been already paid is sent in a second time. 

To pay washerwomen, seamstresses, and other 
persons employed by the day very promptly. They 
should be paid at the end of each day or week. 

For employes to improve their spare time, and 
for employers to encourage them in doing so. 



IN THE BUSINESS WORLD. 19 1 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To become surety for another person, or to in- 
dorse notes for him, unless one be prepared and 
able to pay them if he fail to do so. 

To dun a debtor in a persistent and unpleasant 
manner. 

To run up bills without keeping any account of 
them. 

To buy what one does not need, merely because 
it is " cheap." 

To purchase on credit where one can as easily 
pay cash. 

To buy goods on credit without knowing their 
precise cost, or without fixing the time for payment. 

To be angry at the presentation of an unpaid 
bill. 

To allow washerwomen or other persons who are 
day-laborers, and dependent on their daily wages 
for their means of subsistence, to call several times 
for their pay, thus wasting time precious to them, 
and perhaps causing them suffering and privation. 

To fill one's office or counting-room with tobacco- 
smoke. 



192 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To beware of false pride and an affectation of 
gentility in business, as in social relations. 

To remember that it is no child's play to suc- 
ceed in business of any kind. 

To remember that in the midst of the battle of 
life there is no time to learn its tactics, which must 
be mastered beforehand by every soldier, lawyer, 
business, or professional man. 

To be willing to work hard, and concentrate 
one's whole attention upon whatever one is doing. 

To remember that the knowledge of a trade or 
profession is in itself a capital. 

To remember that many college-bred and other 
well-educated men now work with their hands at 
farming and in technical callings, thus proving that 
they do not consider manual labor as degrading, 
while the sons of small farmers desert their farms 
and refuse to work with their hands. 

To remember that where one knave succeeds, 
a hundred fail. 

To remember that a character for probity is a 
capital one need never lose. 



IN THE BUSINESS WORLD. 1 93 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be "above one's business," or to imagine 
that work is degrading. 



To be unwilling to learn a trade or business thor- 
oughly, or to imagine that one can succeed in a 
business, trade, or profession without a thorough 
training for it. 

To neglect or despise a fraction of a cent. 

To sew good cloth with cotton thread. 



For young men and women to leave comfortable 
homes in the country and crowd to the cities, forc- 
ing down the price of labor, and then grumble be- 
cause they do not succeed in their undertakings. 

To think it more genteel to be a counter-jumper, 
at another man's beck and call, than a farmer or a 
tradesman and "one's own master." 

To imagine that all rascals succeed in life. 

To gamble or speculate with money which one 
cannot afford to lose. 

13 



194 THE CORRECT THIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To make a business letter intelligible, expressing 
the exact meaning of the writer, and to make it 
also legible and brief. 

To remember that a business letter should be 
extremely courteous in tone. 

To put the full date, address, and signature in a 
business letter, and to answer all the questions of 
one's correspondent. 

To put the full address of one's correspondent on 
the envelope of a business letter — giving the name 
of the county, and that of the State. 

To address a letter to a firm, " Messrs. R. H. 
Macy & Co." 

To begin a letter to a firm in this way, — 

Messrs. R. H. Macy & Co. 
Gentlemen : 

To enclose stamps sufficient to cover the weight 
of the manuscript when sending to an editor a 
manuscript which is to be returned if not used. 

For an editor of a magazine or weekly paper to 
send cheques to the contributors when their articles 



IN THE BUSINESS WORLD. 195 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To write a letter on a matter of business in an 
ambiguous or rambling style. 

To make unnecessary repetitions, or to be un- 
duly curt, in a business letter. 

To sign a letter with " Messrs." prefixed to the 
signature. 



To be impolite to an editor, or annoy him with 
frequent letters, or unreasonable requests. 

For the editor of a weekly or monthly publication 
to refuse to return a manuscript to the sender where 
stamps are enclosed and address given. 

For an editor of a magazine to accept an article 
and publish it, and then compel the writer of it to 
dun him repeatedly for his pay. 



196 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

are published, and to send also to each of them a 
copy of the magazine containing his article. 

For a contributor to write to the editor of a news- 
paper and ask to have a cheque sent to him, after 
the publication of one of his articles or a series of 
them. It is customary, however, in some of our 
large cities for the contributors to the great dailies 
to call at the newspaper offices, and get the pay due 
to them. 

To remember that editors and publishers are 
very busy people, and to make one's visits to them 
as brief as possible. 

To be uniformly polite in business relations, and 
to remember that a pleasant manner is almost 
always a passport to success. 

To avoid as far as possible a " professional man- 
ner," such as one sometimes observes among doc- 
tors, clergymen, lawyers, and others. 



IN THE BUSINESS WORLD. 1 97 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To expect that communications to a daily paper 
in a large city will be returned if not used. 

To send a manuscript to an author upon whom 
one has no real claim, and to ask him to read it 
over and give his opinion of it. 



To force one's way into an editorial or other 
sanctum, or to insist upon seeing busy people on 
one's own business. 

To be gruff or disobliging in business relations, 
or to be too diffusive or over-zealous. 

For a self-made man to boast continually of his 
own work ; namely, himself. 

To abuse or be careless of a hired house or horse, 
or any article belonging to another person. 



THE CORRECT THING 



It is the Correct Thing 

For employes to be patient, cheerful, and obliging. 

For employes to remember that it is their busi- 
ness to wait upon customers, and to be civil to 
them. 

For a salesman to prove that he respects himself 
by showing due respect to others. 

For a salesman to advise a customer, or assist 
her in making a choice, if asked to do so. 

For a shopkeeper to be as polite to a poor cus- 
tomer as to a rich one. 

For salesmen to remember that customers can- 
not always know just what they want until they 
have seen the new fabrics of the season, and that a 
customer has a right to walk through a shop, look- 
ing at articles for a reasonable length of time, with- 
out being compelled to purchase anything. 



To remember that the feminine for M man " is 
"woman ; " for " sales*/*?;/," " saleswoMAN ; " and 



IN SHOPPING. I99 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For employes to be uncivil or cross to customers 
because the shop is crowded, or because they are 
tired. 

For employes to talk to each other while custom- 
ers are awaiting their attention. 

For employes to be impertinent to customers, or 
to make remarks upon them in the hearing of other 
customers. 

For a salesman to advise a customer when he has 
not been asked to do so. 

For customers to look over goods and take up 
the time of the salesman, without any real intention 
of making a purchase, or because they wish to see 
the new styles, in order to copy them in their home 
dress-making. 

For a salesman to be sulky if a customer do not 
purchase his goods. 

For employers to be harsh or arbitrary in their 
treatment of employes, especially where these are 
children. 

To use the expression " sales-lady," which is 
quite as absurd as to say " a sales-GENTLEMAN." 



200 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

that while a saleswoman, like any other person of 
her sex, may or may not be a lady, she is still 
a woman, and if she be engaged in selling, a bales- 
woman. 

For a customer to know beforehand as nearly as 
possible what she wishes to buy. 

When one intends only to look at articles, and 
not to buy till another day, to say so in the first 
instance. 

If one wish to see a piece of goods nearer the 
light, to ask the clerk politely if he cannot bring or 
send the material to the desired spot. 

To hold the door open for a person who is enter- 
ing or coming out of a shop just behind one. The 
second comer should in her turn take hold of the 
door as she passes through the doorway. 

To shut the door ! 

For salesman and customer both to say u Thank 
you ! " when a sale is completed, and the package, 
or change, handed to the latter. 



IN SHOPPING. 201 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For customers to speak sharply to employes, or 
be rude to them. 

For customers to expect to be allowed to carry 
valuable dress-goods or other articles to the door 
of a shop, or to scold and make an outcry because 
such an unreasonable request is refused. 

For gentlemen ( ?) to try to flirt with saleswomen 
and annoy them with foolish speeches. 



To let the door of a shop slam in the face of 
another person, or to allow a stranger to hold the 
door open while one passes through the doorway, 
without making any attempt to hold the door open 
for one's self. 

For sales men or women to insist that an article 
matches another perfectly, or that it is "just what 
the customer wants," when the customer expresses 
a contrary opinion. 

To allow a person to buy damaged goods without 
knowing their real condition. 



THE CORRECT THIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

To wear mourning dress after the death of a near 
relative. It is not now considered obligatory to do 
so, however, many persons objecting on principle to 
this custom. Some persons merely avoid wearing 
colored garments, and wear black materials of any 
sort, instead of the regulation mourning dress. 

To remember that all children, and almost all 
men, greatly dislike mourning dress. 

To wear plain lustreless black woollen stuffs and 
crape when one is in deep mourning. 

For a lady who is in deep mourning to have her 
garments made up in a very simple manner. She 
can, if she please, select expensive materials of fine 
texture for her wardrobe. 

To wear lustreless black silk trimmed with crape 
in the secondary stages of mourning. 

To wear black woollen materials trimmed with 
lustreless silk or black braid, and bonnets made of 
or trimmed with silk, in ordinary mourning. 

To wear in deep mourning a veil of nun's veiling 
or crape, thrown back over the bonnet, with a veil 
of black lace net over the face. 



IN MOURNING. 203 

It is not the Correct Thing 

In the opinion of most people to wear mourning 
dress for as great a length of time after the death 
of a relation as was formerly the fashion to do. 

To wear mourning dress, and especially crape 
veils, for an excessive length of time, forgetting 
that the long-continued sight of such gloomy gar- 
ments will be apt to depress the spirits of a whole 
household. 



To wear mourning dress of an ostentatiously 
sombre character. It is especially inappropriate to 
do so in cases where the mourner is not in reality 
in deep sorrow. 

For a lady who is wearing deep mourning dress 
to have it trimmed in an elaborate manner, or over- 
loaded with crape. 

To wear bright jet trimmings in deep mourning. 

To wear velvet when one is in deep mourning. 
Thus a crape hat and veil, and a mantle of em- 
bossed velvet, would present an incongruous ap- 
pearance if worn together. 



204 THE CORRECT TIIIXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear a crape veil over the face at a funeral, 
and perhaps for a short time thereafter, if the wearer 
crave its protection. 

To wear black silk, without crape, for complimen- 
tary mourning. 

To remember that there are in this country no 
general laws laying down the exact length of time 
during which mourning should be worn. 

For widows to wear deep mourning, including 
crape veil, during two years, some widows retain- 
ing a deep mourning costume during life. 

For a widow to leave off her weeds when she has 
become " reconciled " to the death of her first 
husband, if a decent length of time have elapsed 
since the event. 

To wear deep mourning for a parent during one 
year, and lighter, or ordinary mourning, during a 
second year ; some persons continue to wear deep 
mourning dress, with crape veil, for two years. 

To wear mourning for a brother or sister during 
one or two years, — dee]) mourning at first, and 
lighter mourning afterward. 



IN MOURNING. 205 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To wear a crape veil over the face, thus perpetu- 
ating a barbarous and very unwholesome custom 
which is rapidly falling into desuetude. 

To ask a person who is dressed in deep mourning 
what relative he has lost. 

To wear violet and lilac in half-mourning, as was 
formerly the custom. 

For a widow who is still wearing her weeds to 
carry on flirtations or angle for a second husband. 

For any one save a widow to wear a widow's 
cap either under a bonnet or without it. 

In the opinion of most persons, for the mother 
or other relations to wear crape after the death of a 
young child, or to wear mourning for it during more 
than a year. 

To wear deep mourning dress during long pe- 
riods of time for one's husband's relatives, or for 
persons whom one has never seen, or has never 
known intimately. 



206 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear ordinary mourning during three or six 
months for an uncle, aunt, or grandparent ; many 
persons do not put on mourning at all, however, 
except for very near relatives. 

For parents to wear mourning for grown-up sons 
or daughters during one or two years. 

To remember that the idea of paying proper re- 
spect to the dead enters into all our theories of 
mourning, and that this respect is specially due to 
older persons. 

To remember that the strictest and most formal 
observance of mourning customs is not necessarily 
the concomitant of the most sincere grief, and that 
to some persons long periods of strict seclusion are 
extremely depressing, as well as unwholesome and 
injurious. 

For a gentleman to wear a weed on his hat after 
the death of a near relative. Some gentlemen put 
on complete suits of mourning ; but the majority, 
especially in the Eastern States, do not do so. 

For men to remain in seclusion after the death 
of relatives during a shorter period than women, 



IN MOURNING. 207 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To go into society, to receive or to pay formal 
visits, when one is in deep mourning. 

To continue to darken the windows of a house 
after a funeral has taken place, thus rendering it 
damp and unwholesome. 

For older persons to expect younger ones to 
remain for long periods of time in strict seclusion, 
shrouding sensitive youth in perpetual gloom. 

For young people to be unwilling to pay proper 
respect to the dead during a suitable period of 
time. 

To be unkind or uncharitable in one's judgment 
of the conduct of those persons who do not believe 
in a very formal observance of mourning customs. 

To go to a concert within three months, or to 
the theatre or other public place of amusement 
within six months, after the death of a near relative. 



For a man to appear in gay society shortly after 
the death of a near relative or of his wife. 



208 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

since the business and affairs of the former neces- 
sarily call them abroad. 

For a widower to wear mourning during two 
years, if he remain single so long. 

To wear black or quiet colors at a funeral, espe- 
cially that of a relative or intimate friend. 

To call within a month at the house of a friend 
or acquaintance where there has been a death ; 
intimate friends call before or after the funeral. 

To call upon strangers, or in the country, upon 
neighbors, who are in affliction. Some sad cases 
have occurred where people were entirely neg- 
lected by their neighbors, each person supposing 
that some one else had called and offered assist- 
ance or sympathy. 

To use all possible tact when making a visit of 
condolence, carefully avoiding the introduction of 
any subject which might cause additional distress 
to those who are in sorrow, and showing one's 
sympathy more by manner than in words. 

To give a person who is in deep sorrow an op- 
portunity to speak of what lies nearest his heart, 
rather than to mention the subject one's self. 



IN MOURNING. 209 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For ordinary acquaintances to expect to be ad- 
mitted, when calling upon persons who are in 
affliction. 

For any one to feel hurt because a mourner, in 
the first prostration of grief, refuses to see him. 

To gratify one's curiosity at the expense of the 
feelings of those who are in sorrow. 

To appear intrusive or seem indifferent when call- 
ing upon a person in affliction. 

To express one's sympathy toward a person in 
affliction if one meet him in the street or other 
public place. 

When making a visit of condolence to express a 
wish to hear the details of a person's last illness and 
death, forgetting how painful these subjects must 
be to a near and dear relative of the deceased. 
14 



THE CORRECT THIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

For intimate or old friends to send brief letters 
of condolence to those who are in affliction, offer- 
ing affectionate sympathy and religious comfort, if 
they feel sincerely moved to do so. 

To send letters of condolence promptly, if at all. 

To lay aside mourning dress, and to appear in 
white, gray, or purple at the wedding of a relative 
or intimate friend. 



IN MOURNING. 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To write long or formal letters of condolence, or 
to preach to persons in affliction, telling them they 
must be resigned to the will of Providence. 

To wear a mourning or any black dress at a 
wedding. 

For persons in deep mourning to go to large or 
gay weddings. 



THE CORRECT THIXG 



It is the Correct Thing 

For members to make themselves familiar with 
the rules and regulations of the organization to 
which they belong, and to obey these laws. 

For a member of a small social club — such as a 
dining-club — to blackball any person whose society 
is not congenial to him. (The reason of this rule 
is evident. It would destroy the very object of the 
existence of a club of this sort, — namely, mutual 
good-fellowship and common social enjoyment, — 
if a member whose society was unacceptable to 
some of his fellows should be thrust into the circle 
to mar its harmony.) 

For the governing committee or other members 
of a large club to lay aside personal prejudice 
when voting upon the admission of a new member, 
and for them to take into consideration these ques- 
tions only : Is the record of the gentleman in 
question a clear one? Is he in all respects eligible 
to form one of an assembly of gentlemen? (This 
rule does not militate with the foregoing, because 
the circumstances of the two cases are entirely dif- 
ferent. A large club forms a little world in itself. 



AT A CLUB. 213 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a member of a small social club to persist 
in proposing for membership a person who has 
been repeatedly blackballed by the same club. In 
some organizations it is provided by law that no 
person shall be a candidate for election within a 
specified period of time after admission has been 
refused him ; but in those clubs where no such pro- 
vision exists, members should be very careful not 
to force upon their associates a person who may 
be uncongenial to them, since those who have 
blackballed such a candidate several times will in 
many cases ultimately relinquish their opposition, 
not because they are convinced that they have 
been in error, but because they do not wish to 
appear disobliging. 

For one of the governing committee or other 
member of a large club to blackball from spite or 
any personal motive a gentleman who has been 
proposed as a new member. If the latter have a 
good record, and if he be in other respects eligible 



214 THE CORRECT TI1IXG 

It is the Correct Thing 

and the members of it are not necessarily on in- 
timate terms with one another, — indeed many of 
the members often do not even know each other. 
Therefore it is not essential that they should all 
be mutually congenial.) 

For the members of a club to make themselves 
agreeable, or at least not disagreeable, to their fellow- 
members. A gentleman is supposed to behave at 
his club-house as he would at his own home ; it is 
therefore evident that he should be courteous, and 
show a spirit of tolerance toward others. 

To respect the rights and comfort of others, and 
speak only in a low tone of voice in the reading- 
rooms or library. 

To be careful of the club property, and refrain 
from destroying or mutilating books, newspapers, 
etc. 

To remember that the law which forbids giving 
fees to servants is strictly enforced in most club- 
houses, and is not by any means a dead letter. 

For gentlemen to wear evening-dress when they 
take late dinner at a club, if they wish to do so, 



AT A CLUB. 215 



It is not the Correct Thing 

as a member of the club, he ought not to be kept 
out of it to gratify the personal pique or whim of 
those in power. 

To appear selfish or greedy; to monopolize al- 
ways the best arm-chair, or the most favorable 
position in the favorite bow-window or elsewhere. 

To make a practice of dining early, in order to 
get more than one's share of some article of which 
there is a limited supply. 

To demand from the waiters an undue amount 
of attention. 

To become unduly excited about matters relating 
to religion or politics, or to endeavor to instruct a 
circle of persons who have expressed no desire to 
hear a lecture. 

To boast of one's social or other successes. 

To take books, pamphlets, magazines, or other 
property of a club, away from the club-building. 

To monopolize an undue proportion of news- 
papers and magazines, especially at a club where 
there is only one copy of each publication. 



2l6 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

but not otherwise. As it is now the custom for 
gentlemen to wear evening-dress in the evening, 
most young men of fashion do so at their clubs ; 
but a gentleman can appear in morning-dress if he 
prefer, just as he could at his own home. 

To conform to the rules about smoking, — avoid- 
ing pipe- smoking where it is forbidden by the rules 
of the house, and smoking only in those places 
and at those times when it is allowed. 

For members to avoid speaking about ladies, 
within the club precincts. (The recent club-scandal 
in New York, and its consequent lawsuit, make it 
patent to every one that a gentleman ought not to 
introduce the name of a lady into a conversation 
at a club-house ; for though he may do so in an 
entirely respectful manner, his words nevertheless 
give an opportunity to the thoughtless or evil- 
tongued to make careless or injurious remarks 
about the person in question.) 

For a stranger to avail himself of all the privi- 
leges of club-membership during the time that he is 
the guest of a club, whether it be for a day or a 
month. 



AT A CLUB. 217 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To be curious as to the doings or sayings of other 
members or to try to find out what they are having 
for dinner. 

For a member or guest to send a servant or 
employe of a club out of the club-house on any 
business of his own, without first obtaining per- 
mission from the clerk or superintendent. 

To bring a dog to a club-house. 

To play games on Sunday at a club-house where 
this is not allowed. 

For club-members to be careless in their re- 
marks, or to indulge in talking gossip or scandal. 
Although a gentleman is no longer obliged to 
answer for his words with his sword, as was the 
custom in the days of our ancestors, he should 
for this very reason feel in honor bound to be a 
law unto himself, and to remember that noblesse 



For the guest of a club to introduce another per- 
son into the club-house. (This would obviously be 
an improper proceeding, and a violation of the laws 
of hospitality.) 



2l8 THE CORRECT THING 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the guest of a club to conform to its rules 
and regulations, remembering that the friend who 
introduced him will be held responsible for any 
violation of these laws on his part. 

For a club-member to be extremely careful not 
to introduce to his club persons for whose char- 
acter and respectability he is unable to vouch, 
since the member who introduces a guest to a 
club is responsible not only for his behavior, but 
also for any debts which he may contract. 

For the guest of a club to leave one card on the 
last day that he visits it, addressed " To the Presi- 
dent and Members of the Club." This card 

is in reality a P. P. C. card, and should be handed 
to the clerk at the desk, or put in a frame provided 
for the purpose at some club-houses, or in the 
frame of the looking-glass. Some clubs have a scrap- 
book, in which are pasted the cards of distinguished 
guests. 



AT A CLUB. 219 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For any person, member or guest, to wear his 
hat in the club-restaurant. (According to the rule 
in our American cities, no gentleman wears his hat 
at a club house while eating either luncheon or 
dinner; but in London it is considered allowable 
for a gentleman to do so at luncheon, even at the 
fashionable club houses. An English nobleman 
lately caused no small commotion in New York 
club- circles by wearing his hat while he ate his 
luncheon. The members of the club where the 
incident occurred were much offended at this act 
of unintentional rudeness.) 

To present a guest in a formal manner to the 
officers or members of a club, unless he ask for 
such presentation, or unless there be some special 
reason why it should be made. 



THE END. 



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